I don't know what to do.

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gunbunny

gunbunny

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I'm not really looking for anything, I guess just typing this out will help.
Here's the deal,
after a couple of years of me just passing out, I was finally diagnosed as having bradycardia. That means I have a real slow heart rate. I got a pacemaker put in my chest this past November. I was very soon after diagnosed with Central Auditory Processing Disorder also. If you talk to me, you need to be looking at me and speak slowly. No background noise. In January I had some problems with the pacemaker causing me to have a small heart attack.
To top all this off, I had a T.I.A. stroke last month. One thing after the next.
I can deal with me, my thing is, my wife.
I truly don't think she understands, cares, or believes that I've been sick. I'm on the phone talking with someone, she has to interject into the conversation. The DR. has told her, several times, that she can't do that to me. It causes me real problems.
She started bitching at me because I didn't jump up and fix a molding in the house the other day.
She was diagnosed several years ago as Bi-Polar.
Living with a Bi-Polar spouse is a experience all it's own. She can't hold a job for long, she will work a few weeks, next thing I know, she's home saying she was fired due to some conspiracy against her.
She has triggers that cause her to zoom to the moon. Usually her lazy *** son or the grandchildren.
The grand kids, she has little patience with after awhile. That, I can fix. Her son, he's just useless. 21 years old and won't work. He joined the Army and was kicked out for refusing to train. He lasted 3 months there. Hasn't hit a lick since. He had the nerve to start a fight with me after I had the heart attack. The night I came home he punched me in the side of the head. I saw red and beat the **** out of him. Needless to say, he don't live here no more.
So that causes a lot of stress.
The real kicker is, last week, she accused me of cheating on her.
I've been sick, so the last freaking thing I want around me is another woman. I've never even thought about cheating.
I won't just walk away. I'm not really interested in that. I guess just writing this out and letting off some steam is going to have to work for now. I don't mean to put my stuff in the street, but this the closest thing to therapy I got.
I'm at wit's end, life shouldn't be this tough.
 
gunbunny said:
I'm not really looking for anything, I guess just typing this out will help.
Here's the deal,
after a couple of years of me just passing out, I was finally diagnosed as having bradycardia. That means I have a real slow heart rate. I got a pacemaker put in my chest this past November. I was very soon after diagnosed with Central Auditory Processing Disorder also. If you talk to me, you need to be looking at me and speak slowly. No background noise. In January I had some problems with the pacemaker causing me to have a small heart attack.
To top all this off, I had a T.I.A. stroke last month. One thing after the next.
I can deal with me, my thing is, my wife.
I truly don't think she understands, cares, or believes that I've been sick. I'm on the phone talking with someone, she has to interject into the conversation. The DR. has told her, several times, that she can't do that to me. It causes me real problems.
She started bitching at me because I didn't jump up and fix a molding in the house the other day.
She was diagnosed several years ago as Bi-Polar.
Living with a Bi-Polar spouse is a experience all it's own. She can't hold a job for long, she will work a few weeks, next thing I know, she's home saying she was fired due to some conspiracy against her.
She has triggers that cause her to zoom to the moon. Usually her lazy *** son or the grandchildren.
The grand kids, she has little patience with after awhile. That, I can fix. Her son, he's just useless. 21 years old and won't work. He joined the Army and was kicked out for refusing to train. He lasted 3 months there. Hasn't hit a lick since. He had the nerve to start a fight with me after I had the heart attack. The night I came home he punched me in the side of the head. I saw red and beat the **** out of him. Needless to say, he don't live here no more.
So that causes a lot of stress.
The real kicker is, last week, she accused me of cheating on her.
I've been sick, so the last freaking thing I want around me is another woman. I've never even thought about cheating.
I won't just walk away. I'm not really interested in that. I guess just writing this out and letting off some steam is going to have to work for now. I don't mean to put my stuff in the street, but this the closest thing to therapy I got.
I'm at wit's end, life shouldn't be this tough.
Click to expand...

Man I feel for you. You need to really take care of YOU and get rid of all that stress in your life.
 
Sorry to hear of your troubles. Like your wife, I am bi-polar. First wife divorced me over it, being bi-polar can cause some one to be a true Jeckyll and Hyde. You ever need to talk about it, feel free to pm me.........
 
Take care of yourself as best you can, do things that make you calm and happy. Not much you can do about the bipolar.

Also I don't think there's ANYTHING that will make some women stop interjecting comments while you're talking on the phone...if anyone out there knows how to get them to stop doing this, please let me know!
 
The best way I know to make them be quiet when you r on the phone is to simply hand them the phone. They don't wanna talk to whomever you r talking to . I do it all the time.,works.like a.charm. can't help who she is or how she is though. But all the credit in the world to you for staying true. Good luck.
 
I truly wish that I could snap my fingers and make it all better. Your health is the most important thing at this point in time and if that means being alone to accomplish that then so be it,, but that I am sure that is not an option. You are going to have to figure some way of getting your wife to understand, the medical condition you have described are very stressful situations to deal with on your own without the the wife and
Bi-polar issues. If there is anything I can do PM me and I will listen.......
 
First you need to get your wife to the Dr. They can give her something to calm alot of that Bi-polar down. If she drinks she needs to stop, it just makes it worse. But one way or another you need to remove alot of stress from your life.
good luck
 
I see a few people in my walk of life that are Bi-polar, and they can self destruct there own life and the people around them that care for them, Like said above it's time to remove these things from your life:blackeye:
Even just for a week or two gunbunny...
Simplify your life and take a leave of absents and find a good place to set up a tent and let the others fend for there self letting them know that you need to humble your life :home: and they need to know you care for them but it's time to step back and take a deap breath and look at your own life....
This is not asking to much of anyone :home: and i hope they care enough to see that this is something that needs to be dun..
It's tuff love, but close your mind (if you can) in there problems in life and concentrate on yours :bear:.
I lost 4 family member in a year and all about 2 ta three months apart it seems:sad7: and this is what I did.
Prayer and walking wooded paths and putting things in perspective that my health had to come first and care and love myself so I could help and love others and let the BS the world hands to us behind me.:eek:ccasion:
I came back home standing tall and had a round table with my family and set my law down...... This is my life and I will support and care for everyones needs the best I can and it's my way or the HWY so to speak :home:.
AND! I don't help others that will not help there self.
Love them and give them direction is all you can..
but you can not do this untill you back away and take a close look at yourself and take all this stress out of your life.
Prayers going out for you gunbunny, and if they don't under stand what you are doing and what your needs are in life at this time they need to know..
and they should support it if they care..
if they don't they don't care and are childish and needs a tast of reality
I take a week of leave most every year just 7 miles away from home in a park when I feel I am not being taking seriously or I am :?
We all have an opinion and feelings

A good cleansing and being absent from there life may give them time to reflect a bit of there own life and what they are putting on your shoulders at this time in life.
The 21 year old needs to get a life and fend for his self...Tuff Love works in the long run, When you see him again talk to him like a man and if he is not ready show him the door. :yawinkle: This will be reality at it's best :home:
I hope I have not rambled on to much, but I just could not let this go this morning bunny.
 
goldfish65 said:
Take care of yourself as best you can, do things that make you calm and happy. Not much you can do about the bipolar.

Also I don't think there's ANYTHING that will make some women stop interjecting comments while you're talking on the phone...if anyone out there knows how to get them to stop doing this, please let me know!
Click to expand...

Younger broads dont do that, they are too busy texting...I love it.:eek:ccasion:
 
Sorry to hear about your problems but I noticed your Sig if you are Skydiver go hang out at the DZ and make a few jumps, allways settles me down when i'm in the plane nothing else out side gets in my head only me and that jump great stress reliver, brain forgets everything else even if its only for a few minutes.
 
I think memike pretty much laid it out perfectly. At this time you are in need of some support and some understanding of your issues, but unfortunately you are getting neither. Even worse, the amount of stress being piled upon you is simply going to aggravate your condition and possibly lead you to an earlier grave. Sometimes it's tough for us guys to realize that. You need some time, your wife needs some professional help, and since you've already kicked her son's *** and kicked him out of the house - forget about him.

Take care of yourself.

Grant
 
............I really feel for you.........memike said it best.....i pray you get this all sorted out soon............kim.........
 
Take a break, Go camping or on a short trip.
Go get some consutling by a trained doc.
Problems are temporary they change with time.
A hobby or exersize help a lot to calm your mind.
Are you still with the post office?
Their Personel Deptment might be able to help with time off
if thats what you need.
Look into paid leave of absents.
Good Luck,
Carl

This is hung on my fridge:

There is unconditional love, there are not unconditional limits.
I can love you forever and always, but I can limit my exposure to you
if it is destructive to who I am.
 
ProStreetDuster said:
First you need to get your wife to the Dr. They can give her something to calm alot of that Bi-polar down. If she drinks she needs to stop, it just makes it worse. But one way or another you need to remove alot of stress from your life.
good luck
Click to expand...
The treatment of bi-polar is a cocktail of meds. Alot of bi-polar folks, myself included, can not be treated with the meds. It is not the anti-depressants that are the problem, it is the mood stabilizers. I have been on several of them and can not tolerate them. The old standby, lithium, is more or less nothing but a salt. I was up to about 1/2 of the dose necessary for it to work and had to stop, I was constantly drinking water and on the throne. Very easy to go toxic on. Several of the others just bought on various side effects, which just meant more meds that I could not tolerate without the suicidal thoughts, insomnia, constipation etc. Giving anti-depressants to a bi-polar individual with out a mood stabilizer, well, that is when life got interesting. The anti-depressants did nothing but trigger a near non-stop manic stage. My mania is rage and agression. Most of my more "memorable" episodes in my past were when I was on just an anti-depressant. Flipping out throwing tables thru walls, blowing a steel frame door off of a concrete wall with a 1800 pound container of mail, stringing people up by the throat. The good old days. I got lucky and found a psycologist that was able to get thru to me. He helped me understand what it is that is wrong with me. And once I hit rock bottom, put a .357 in my mouth and pulled the trigger (go figure that one round had a bad primer) and got divorced I made the decision that things had to change. Once I found out what triggers my manic episodes, stess, I just did my best to stay away from it. For the most part I don't argue with people at all. I just turn and walk away. I argue, no matter if I am right or wrong, and I normally black out and then goofy things happen. I have been seeing head docs for close to 15 years now. From what they tell me that there are alot of bi-polar folks just like me, that just can't tolerate the drugs. I made the decision that just because my chemistry set is busted it does not give me the right to ruin your day. I have a friend that I used to work with that is just like me in regards to the drugs. Looks like he will be losing his job with the PO after 28 years of service. Point of the last statement is I am not alone in the inability to deal with the meds, Jeff has tried alot of them with the same results I have had. It is no big surprise that bi-polar folks self medicate with alcohol. I did years ago. This is truly one of those things that if a person does not want to be helped, they can not be. So taking a bi-polar person to a doc to get meds just does not work. This person has to want to change there ways. Often times hitting rock bottom is the only thing that will trigger the desire to change your life. And then you have to hope that the meds can be tolerated. Bi-polar folks tend to be good at hiding it. I met a few members from here, and they no doubt thought I was a completely normal guy, right Justin? I have learned to hide it, sort of put on a happy face and go thru my life. But ask me how many nights I pace the floor, unable to sleep because my brain will not turn off. Or the nights I am sitting outside, watching the stars listening to the guy playing bag pipes (it is just in my head). I truly appeciate my wife. Sorry for the length of this, I just felt the desire to comment on the above post.......
 
inkjunkie said:
The treatment of bi-polar is a cocktail of meds. Alot of bi-polar folks, myself included, can not be treated with the meds. It is not the anti-depressants that are the problem, it is the mood stabilizers. I have been on several of them and can not tolerate them. The old standby, lithium, is more or less nothing but a salt. I was up to about 1/2 of the dose necessary for it to work and had to stop, I was constantly drinking water and on the throne. Very easy to go toxic on. Several of the others just bought on various side effects, which just meant more meds that I could not tolerate without the suicidal thoughts, insomnia, constipation etc. Giving anti-depressants to a bi-polar individual with out a mood stabilizer, well, that is when life got interesting. The anti-depressants did nothing but trigger a near non-stop manic stage. My mania is rage and agression. Most of my more "memorable" episodes in my past were when I was on just an anti-depressant. Flipping out throwing tables thru walls, blowing a steel frame door off of a concrete wall with a 1800 pound container of mail, stringing people up by the throat. The good old days. I got lucky and found a psycologist that was able to get thru to me. He helped me understand what it is that is wrong with me. And once I hit rock bottom, put a .357 in my mouth and pulled the trigger (go figure that one round had a bad primer) and got divorced I made the decision that things had to change. Once I found out what triggers my manic episodes, stess, I just did my best to stay away from it. For the most part I don't argue with people at all. I just turn and walk away. I argue, no matter if I am right or wrong, and I normally black out and then goofy things happen. I have been seeing head docs for close to 15 years now. From what they tell me that there are alot of bi-polar folks just like me, that just can't tolerate the drugs. I made the decision that just because my chemistry set is busted it does not give me the right to ruin your day. I have a friend that I used to work with that is just like me in regards to the drugs. Looks like he will be losing his job with the PO after 28 years of service. Point of the last statement is I am not alone in the inability to deal with the meds, Jeff has tried alot of them with the same results I have had. It is no big surprise that bi-polar folks self medicate with alcohol. I did years ago. This is truly one of those things that if a person does not want to be helped, they can not be. So taking a bi-polar person to a doc to get meds just does not work. This person has to want to change there ways. Often times hitting rock bottom is the only thing that will trigger the desire to change your life. And then you have to hope that the meds can be tolerated. Bi-polar folks tend to be good at hiding it. I met a few members from here, and they no doubt thought I was a completely normal guy, right Justin? I have learned to hide it, sort of put on a happy face and go thru my life. But ask me how many nights I pace the floor, unable to sleep because my brain will not turn off. Or the nights I am sitting outside, watching the stars listening to the guy playing bag pipes (it is just in my head). I truly appeciate my wife. Sorry for the length of this, I just felt the desire to comment on the above post.......
Click to expand...

Great advice.
 
gunbunny your getting alot of good advise from these guys! One thing I think most people need to realize is there are others out there having these same problems and they only fix them when they really try at it. It could take something as simple as a camping trip once a year or even a longterm seperation to fix the relationship with your wife. I dont think anyone has the right answer for you but you have to find a way to be happier than what you are. For a long time when things would get tough around the house I thought it would never get better but they do if you lay it down like Memike says and stick with it. Hope all the best for you man and hang in there
 
We've been to the Dr. She is on meds, trust me, they do help some. Of course she feels like she's leveled out and will quit taking them. That always leads to the spiral down turn.
I've tried talking to her till I'm blue in the face. Had a little sit down this morning in fact. She always tries to find a way to set blame on me. I keep telling her, there is no blame to be assigned, just be aware of what your doing or importantly, saying.
She is notorious for insulting people or saying something inappropriate. She sees no harm in that whatsoever.
I've thought real hard about taking some time out and just going away for a bit. Now I'll get accused of cheating. She thinks I'm driving up to Cleveland Oh, and messing around. She also thinks I'm doing this on my lunch break. I live and work in Cincinnati. Look at a map, that aint happening on a 30 lunch break. I don't really want to go to the P/O's EAP program they have. I don't know what you guys know about the PO, but they are truly assholes to work for. The less they know, the better off I am. My jumping out of airplanes is long over. The 20 yr old me had no respect for the 40 yr old me.
Fortunately, she doesn't drink. If she did that, I don't think I could have dealt with it. I grew up with an alcoholic, I refuse to live with that again. That was the single biggest reason I joined the Army.
We don't argue, mostly because I refuse to. I'll walk away and leave her to sit by herself. I keep telling myself, it's the disease, not her.
I do appreciate having this as a sounding board. Thanks guys.
 
gunbunny said:
We've been to the Dr. She is on meds, trust me, they do help some. Of course she feels like she's leveled out and will quit taking them. That always leads to the spiral down turn.
I've tried talking to her till I'm blue in the face. Had a little sit down this morning in fact. She always tries to find a way to set blame on me. I keep telling her, there is no blame to be assigned, just be aware of what your doing or importantly, saying.
She is notorious for insulting people or saying something inappropriate. She sees no harm in that whatsoever.
I've thought real hard about taking some time out and just going away for a bit. Now I'll get accused of cheating. She thinks I'm driving up to Cleveland Oh, and messing around. She also thinks I'm doing this on my lunch break. I live and work in Cincinnati. Look at a map, that aint happening on a 30 lunch break. I don't really want to go to the P/O's EAP program they have. I don't know what you guys know about the PO, but they are truly assholes to work for. The less they know, the better off I am. My jumping out of airplanes is long over. The 20 yr old me had no respect for the 40 yr old me.
Fortunately, she doesn't drink. If she did that, I don't think I could have dealt with it. I grew up with an alcoholic, I refuse to live with that again. That was the single biggest reason I joined the Army.
We don't argue, mostly because I refuse to. I'll walk away and leave her to sit by herself. I keep telling myself, it's the disease, not her.
I do appreciate having this as a sounding board. Thanks guys.
Click to expand...
I am retired (disability) from that rat hole. My former head doc was part of the EAP program, I happened to find him on my own. Got me a few free trips every year. Her stopping of the drugs is a normal thing for bi-polar folks, the drugs make you not you, if that makes any sense. Placeing the blame is also common. I used to do it. When you are in a foul, pissed off mood 24/7 it is tuff to accept that it could just be you. Every person I know that is bi-polar, myself included, try to blame others for every thing. It is just part of the disease. In my case I am always pissed off, and when someone does something I don't agree with, which is almost anything, I will point the finger at them for me being mad. Completely normal, at least for bi-polar folks. We just aint wired right, that is all there is to it. I control it by limiting my exoposure to people, as people generally piss me off. I recently befriended a neighbor, hoping that without working anymore I would be able to tolerate him. I don't see much of him, except for lately. And he is doing nothing but making my blood boil. Only difference with me is I know it is not him, it is just the way I am. When I get this way I just avoid him.
"She is notorious for insulting people or saying something inappropriate. She sees no harm in that whatsoever." Boy, does this statement sound familiar. She sees no harm in it because she does not look at life thru the same set of glasses as every one else. She, just like the rest of the bi-polar people I know, tends to live on her own planet. Abide by her rules, of which they change, sometime hourly, or get the hell off. All completely normal for a bi-polar peron. A while back I spoke to my very first girlfriend. Had not spoke to her in 20 years. I was dateing her right when my issues surfaced. And she got more than her share of my, well, crap. When I spoke to her she did not believe it was me, she made me answer all kinds of questions aobut the past. Difference between me now and then is acceptance. I know am bi-polar, and that being this way makes me very difficult to be around all the time. I may be way off base for saying this, but one of, if not the only thing that will make her change is her world falling apart around her. Worked for me. Now instead of venting my frustations on the person I love and adore, I turn it inside and let it tear me up. Don't sleep for days at a time. Spend many nights here in front of the computer, playing spider solitare. Go outside and watch the stars. But there is peace in my house. This may sound kind of goofy, but do whatever it takes to make your house more relaxed. Meditating worked wonders for me. I did not start it on my own. Went over to a buddies house that was a diehard beliver in the AA lifestyle. Walked in and he had some Native American dude playing a flute on the stereo, non scented candles and incense burning. And that was the begining of the change for me. Got to experience true peace for the first time. Not saying it is going to work, but I have suggested it for a few former friends from work and they all started to look at life a bit different.......
 
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