New LED tail lights 69 Cuda

With consumers stringent as you, I am pretty sure if someone is dissatisfied with the function of a light I would hear about it.

And I'm sure you wouldn't. Subjective impressions of performance don't cut it for determining the safety performance of an automotive lamp. It's very easy to create a lamp that will get two-thumbs-up feedback from whoever installs it, that in fact does not perform safely. Even if you have the best of intent!

I put “certify” in quotes because they are doing just that. They are certifying that they meet the certifications. You or I can certify a product, and if anyone will listen, then our word is worth something.

Sure. And as long as there's substance behind the certification -- a "pass" result on all the applicable tests done correctly by a properly-equipped lab -- then it's legally and technically airtight against any argument that the product is inadequate or unsafe. The Chinese and Indian aftermarket car light companies (TYC, Depo, Autopal, etc.) often issue "certifications" that have all the right words, but no substance behind them. Faked test results (or none at all), etc.

I understand your reasoning about how the chase/sequential light-up is similar to an incandescent lamp's rise time, but the safety standards don't see it your way.