Which branch should I join?

No brainer, Air Farce. KP? That's what civilians are for. Up all night pulling guard duty? We have Sky Cops for that. An hour of PT every morning followed by a 6 mile run? Not if you can cover 1 1/2 miles in less then 15 minutes once a year. You say you're cold and wet 'cause it's raining and 40 degrees outside? Why were you out there, it wasn't all THAT necessary. Breakfast? How do you want your eggs cooked. Don't like what's available on the chow line for lunch? Step over to the sandwich line and let us know how you want your burger and whether or not you want fries with that. Dinner? How do you want your steak. It's basically a 9-5 job with room and board thrown in. Just be ready to do your job to the best of your ability to ensure that not too many of those 6 million Gomers escape obliteration when it is their turn to receive the attention they attracted by harming a fellow American. The Army and Marines kill soldiers. We kill massive amounts of soldiers AND civilians when needed. Do you have what it takes to deal with that?