No Compression

Did you try turning it over by hand yet? If you feel each cylinder strongly, I can guarantee your compression is good and your compression test method is the problem. In my 2.4L, it would hold the pressure for ~20 sec and you could hear it slowly hiss down. That was at ~100K mi. New cars seem to wear much less, I think because the engine controls are much better at avoiding running rich w/ raw gas washing oil off the cylinders. In my 64 slant, I must wait 15 sec at each cylinder for the pressure to leak off before tugging on the belts again (no crank bolt).