Need help perfecting the budget build hemi swap

So this is my second year in this garage-less house. Last year I wasn't prepared to do any type of mechanical work. All my stuff was in my in-laws garage, so I just didn't have the tools. So I thought what can I tinker with, that won't take up a lot of space ? The answer was,,, I always wanted a guitar, but a good guitar is about two grand. So I searched ebay for broken instruments. After four, I had to quit. most of them needed the electronics rewired. Since I suck at that, I thought it might be a way to learn something about doing clean soldering, and stuff.
Well than the issue became, I don't know how to play the damn thing. a friend of mine came to visit from N.J., and he has a metal-core band. So he's explaining how he's been to the west coast, Asia, and Europe. So than be breaks out a few of his CD's, and when I heard them I though, " Wow if this music sucks this bad, and people pay money to hear it, well I'm not to afraid to try, and do something.
So I entered a contest. The rules were, " Whomever was the most impressive newby, wins a new Gibson Les Paul elite ." My thoughts were," if you're really, really bad, and people laugh, it'll level the playing field, and I could win this elite over priced guitar. " Than I wanted to auction it off to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis research, because my wife has it bad, and I didn't need another guitar I couldn't play. So this post is entitled, " WHAT TO DO WITH ONE'S SELF, WHEN IT'S TOO COLD TO WORK ON THE CAR." ( All video effects, music, and bullshit by me..)
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[ame]http://youtu.be/3ouJplDQNW0[/ame]

[ame]http://youtu.be/KA455NWpQDU[/ame]