Daughter wants to move in with her mom

OK...I am a gear head as you guys put it but professionally I am a Therapist. I was a family therapist and have changed over to Addictions. But no matter here is what would happen if you were to come to my office. First I would be working with you to understand that what you see and want May not happen but hopefully it will be close to what you see as best. I would be working with her to allow her to gain trust in me. Right now she probably does not trust most adults. Then when we would all get together we would work on compromise. And Compromise does not mean you give in nor is it 50/50 all the time! I am sure you are a great dad your concern proves that. But as Rani says you need to think like a 13 year old. My job would be to help you understand her and her to understand you. She loves you I am sure, but right now she has no idea how to express that to you because love to her is towards other boys her age. Now here are a couple of "tools" for you to try. You are the adult and some of this will go against your natural feelings but you can be the one in control.

First allow her to see how important she is to you. When a situation comes up make a deal before hand....of no yelling arguing or anything until you both calm down. Then sit down with her and allow her to explain why she did/said what she did/said or you did what you did/said to allow her the situation to act that way.

She is finding her identity and individuality right now. You have to allow her without losing your mind. It is hard because you are looking at it from an intelligent mature mind.

Here is what a friend does. He has 3 daughters and every Saturday morning he takes one out on her "date with dad". They talk he listens. Also when they travel, each trip, one gets to choose the music. That way he and his wife get involved in their lives/music.

You like cars...what does she like? Spend time in her world.

Ask her advice on matters and go with her decisions. (On less important issues of course). Have you sat down and talked quietly with her about this? It sounds like she says this when angry. Talk her through seeing why she wants to leave. Help her see if it is because she wants to be free ask her how would that look to you. Throw out some scenarios...she has things you have taught her in there (head) but the little girl can't think through it. Help her and be willing to compromise. Good luck!

AND...this all takes time. You start allowing her to make decisions she is going to think you are up to something. Tell her you are. You want her to stay and you are willing to make changes to see that it happens.

She is wanting more control of herself. Allow that in the less important areas. The big thing is...Learn to listen to her and communicate.