THAT WAS IT, we got pressure
I pulled out of the driveway and after stalling about three times trying to get going (no choke) I turned the corner and pushed the gas just a little. The turbo spooled very audibly and the car moved forward like it was light as a feather. I let of the gas and TISSSSSH the blow off valve let off the pressure.
After some giggling at the stop sign I hit it again (this time a little harder) and it spooled up to a good 5psi and then I cruised up to the next stop sign rather quickly. After that i drove kind of normal like I would before the turbo and it spooled every time and the blow off valve hit every time the throttle closed, till I hit the last corner to turn home and the blow off valve didn't activate (excitedly) I opened the hood when I got home and saw the silicone hose that connects the turbo to the first leg of piping had popped off the turbo. AWESOME! It seems like that'd be a bad thing but I am rather happy about it because before I couldn't get this thing to blow my hand off the opening and now its blowing piping apart.
Luckily, the hose I had just not tightened at all on the clamp when I reassembled the intake tubing the last time I was working on the car. So in the morning I'll reattach the piece of silicone and drive it to work and now the tuning can actually start!