First of all I hope you can win the fight against those demons you've been fighting. It's often difficult to open yourself up to others when life overwhelms.
Your question regarding religion is one that a lot of folks struggle with. I am Christian and at an early age began to question the notion that many held that non-Chistians were destined to go to hell. I reasoned that a good person that wasn't a Christian should be more likely to reach heaven than a bad person that might have been a Christian. I put my faith in God. And without my faith I'd fail more often. That doesn't mean that I denounce Christianity. It means that I try to follow the example that Christ gave me. I still fail. Without a set of rules or guidelines by which people try to live their lives, who's to say that any behavior is wrong? I don't want to live in a dog eat dog world.
I'm not here to judge you or anyone else. Life can really suck sometimes. It's unrealistic to expect it to be fair. But you are on your own personal journey through it. The direction you take, the decisions you make, and how you react to others will determine the type of person you will be. I wish you well.