Another Mopar Off My Bucket List - Barracuda Fastback
TOTAL CARNAGE!!
'90s Chevy pickup annihilated by rocket launcher! Several Priuses destroyed by automatic rifles! A couple of Hondas bit the dust with hand grenades!
Alright, the damage was only part of my imagination on my trip to and from Iowa. If I'd have known Friday was National Piss Off Fellow Interstate Drivers Day I'd have chosen another day to hit the road.
The road trip was actually one of my most uneventful. My son switched driving duties half way to his place. Other than a few inconsiderate drivers, going down there was a breeze.
I started back just before dark. As I pulled out of their driveway my GPS took a dump. The screen turned all sorts of strange colors and then went black. I didn't really need it but it's another voice to listen to besides the ones in my head.
They must have been filming another remake of Deathrace 2000 and didn't realize my pickup was not supposed to be part of the movie. My first encounter was with a new Honda. The driver must have thought the Interstate speed limit was 35 mph. I tried passing him a number of times but he seemed intent on choosing whichever lane I signaled I was going to switch to. I kept my road rage in check but the voices in my head tossed a grenade at him as I finally made it by.
The Chevy pickup driver must have thought he was at Daytona and was trying to draft me for about 20 miles. I couldn't see his bumper or even his headlights because he was so close. I think I could see his teeth reflecting off his dash lights through my rear view mirror. The voices took him out with a rocket launcher.
Someone must have figured out a way to mount lighthouse beacons on the front of their Prius. I think my retinas are partially melted. If those were his dims coming from behind I'd have hated to see what the brights were like. If I'd looked down I think I could have seen my rib cage through my shirt. The voice inside my head suggested the AK.
But I came through the trip unscathed. No wheels fell off. I didn't catch fire. Nothing actually exploded. It was weird.