First off, I agree that this is NOT the place to air your laundry. If you do, you need to be prepared to hear conflicting opinions, and possibly some stuff you didn't bargain for.
In reading the OP, I didn't see anything mentioned about you and your wife Spending time together away from the house, and the kids. It takes more than "you have your time and she has hers".
A night out ( just a few hours) for drinks together, or a few hours for a movie, with just the two of you, or just supper alone, and away from the kids and the house. It doesn't take much, believe me.
My kids are long gone. My youngest is married this weekend. We still find, at least 3 or 4 nights a month that we can do something, TOGETHER.
My wife and I call it "date night". I asked her what she would like to do together. We do all those things I already mentioned, and about a month ago, she asked my if I would go for dance lessons with her. The class is an hour a week, and it's right down town. I'm not a dancer, and I don't like to dance, but it's not a very big sacrifice either, and it makes her very happy.
...and it let's me get "lucky" lol
We will be married 39 years in January.
PRIORITIES: There is absolutely nothing that is worth more to me than my family. PERIOD. NOTHING. They come first, everything else, including hobby cars, and parts, homes, or what ever comes sometime after that.