Fart and Dart

the local shopping hole is always good for some fun
I remember one day being in the bread toppings aisle, trying to pick out some peanut butter
now, me and my wife have JUST been married and this will be the very first jar of PB we ever bought together

now, you have to realize that up until this point, my mom has been solely responsible for buying my PB and I have no idea what I like

so were standing in front of the rack, looking over the options and the first thing we need to narrow down is "smooth" or "chunky"

(and this is my fault for not noticing the slight vibration of the floor)

but I tell the wife "i just don't like the chunky ones"
her eyes get big and at the same moment as the words leave my lips I feel a breeze wipe passed me
it is at this very moment I feel the gaze of two women fall upon me, in a very disapproving way

I think it goes without saying these women were of same tonnage as rosy o donnel, and most likely of the liberal persuasion because they took what I had said to my wife and thought I was talking about them