It's more than the pizza, it's a bigger weight that has been driving me. The pizza only created a washing of the tensions of the day that cleared my thoughts enough to let it surface once again. It's been the better part of a year that it has been occupying my thoughts when I let the pressures of the moment go.
I have an overwhelming feeling that the time remaining on this Earth needs to be spent understanding why I was here in the first place...and what my life has meant so that I can do more with what remains of it. I somehow feel compelled to make it all worth something more than mere existence. I almost feel that I will eventually need to explain to God what I did with the gift of life and why it was worthy of the gift at all.