It is when your depression is so bad that it's the only reasonable thought you have. It has *nothing* to do with pity and everything to do with despair and a feeling everyone would be better off without you.
Seriously. I have Jesus. I have friends. I have family. I have Mopars. Still didn't stop me from trying to jam a six inch knife between my ribs.
I also have a mental illness that is controlled through medication and therapy. There is no cure. My prayer life is strong and my sons are my world. Still didn't stop the attempts and fantasizing.
Maybe instead of castigating you take a moment to learn.