Stop in for a cup of coffee

Those are a joke if the batt is completely dead. No way they can supply the kind of amperage needed to start with flat Batt.
They are not designed to do an instant jump, they just allow you to slowly charge the battery and/or get enough power to operated the electrical systems like doors, etc.

And they do work to get enough power to start the car. My SRT battery was dead and I used ours to get enough charge back to start it. It took about 20 mins of connection before it fired up.