Stop in for a cup of coffee

And things, that when you say them, can make your brain hurt...

1. “It is impossible to kiss your elbow.”

2. "The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon."

3. "Drinking water with a minty mouth is the cold version of spicy."

4. "It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it's fixed and finally cool, you leave."

5. "I have seen more of the surface of the Moon with my own eyes than I have of Earth."

6. "We gladly pay $3 for another bottle of water at the airport because we won’t refill the first one at the water fountain "

7. "At special occasions, girls with curly hair straighten it and girls with straight hair curl it."

8. "Watching a graduation ceremony is like sitting through a movie that's entirely end credits."

9. "Maybe clock-wise direction is wrong, it is possible the first clock maker was dyslexic”

10. "At the age of 60, Snoop Dogg will be 420 in dog years."

11. "Dragons would probably think it's cool that we create water in our mouths."

12. "The first person who ate a mushroom was probably trying to commit suicide and was very disappointed when they lived."

13. "Pets are the one-percenters of animals."

14. "When medication says 'do not operate heavy machinery,' they're probably mainly referring to cars, but I always think forklift."

15. "If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog."

16. "If you drew the word ‘dick’ on a vampire's face while they were sleeping, they'd never find out about it."

17. "The movie industry considers you to be an adult when you're 17 and can see an R-rated movie, but that you’re an adult at 13 when paying ticket prices."

18. "Imagine how rich you would've had to be 200 years ago to have music playing in the background while you cook dinner."

19. "College students are simultaneously known for not getting enough sleep and for sleeping all the time."

20. "SpongeBob probably has square nuts too."

21. "When we're young, we sneak out of our houses to go to parties. When we're old, we sneak out of parties to go home."

22. "You know you've reached adulthood when you no longer want to stay up late watching TV instead of getting a good nights sleep.

23. "A different version of you exists in each of the minds of everyone who knows you."

24. "Night time is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, nuclear powered ball of flame."

25. "Water is a beverage whose only flavor is its temperature."

26. "'Based on a true story' movies are all part of the same series."

27. "A perk of becoming an adult is you no longer outgrow your clothes. A curse of being an adult is that you often still do."

28. "Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument."

29. "Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself."

30. "Accidentally liking someone's post while lurking online is the digital equivalent of stepping on a twig while sneaking through the forest."

31. "People hate to spend $6.50 on six pieces of raw chicken, but don't hesitate to spend $5 on one chicken sandwich."

32. "Corrupt cops are just undercover criminals."

33. "The brain not only named itself, but it also recognized that it named itself and was surprised when it realized that."

34. "If you drive a new car, you are rich. If you drive an old car, you are poor. But if you drive a super old car, you are probably super rich."

35. "There is a tree somewhere out there now that is growing the wood for your coffin."

36. "If you see someone wearing a $20,000 watch, it's hard to know if they're really good with money or really bad with money."

37. "If your identical twin got plastic surgery, it would be hard not to feel a little insulted."

38. "When you're sick, the advice you get is to literally do drugs and stay out of school."

39. "We use tables to keep food off the floor, tablecloths to keep food off the table, placemats to keep food off the tablecloth, plates to keep food off the placemats and forks to keep food off our fingers."

40. "It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly."

41. "Technically, every mirror you buy at a store is in used condition."

42. "A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die."

43. "The person who invented audio recording probably thought it didn't work right when their voice sounded different in the recording."

44. "If you're 25 years old, you've already been around for more than 10% of American history. If you are 50 years old, 20%.”

45. "Most orchestras are just 1800s cover bands."

46. "Whenever you buy and eat half a chicken, you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger."

47. "It's crazy that something temporary like a Walmart gift card is printed on plastic, but your social security card is printed on a flimsy piece of paper."

48. "The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf."

49. "It's always easy to fall asleep on a couch...unless you're actually trying to fall asleep on a couch."

50. "Your belly button is your old mouth."