Ddaddy said

New Karl jokes...

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

You know what happens after you eat WAY too much alphabet soup? You end up having a massive vowel movement.

People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

Did you hear about the criminal's kid who wouldn't take a nap? He was resisting a rest.

The self-deprecation society is taking new members. I've already put myself down.

My sister bought her husband a refrigerator as a birthday gift. She says she can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it!

To the person who invented the number 0...thanks for nothing!

A limbo contestant walks into a bar. He loses.

My cousin got fired from his job working for Pepsi. Yeah, seems he tested positive for Coke.

Did you hear that they won't be making yard sticks any longer?

I don't know why anyone would call vegans annoying. I, for one, have never had any beef with them.

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing. It just waved.

My wife asked me if was listening to her. What a weird way to start a conversation!

I got a rejection letter in the mail from the origami school today. I'm not sure what to make of it.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit". A horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

You heard of that new band 900 MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.

:lol:

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