I must step away from FABO for a while

Sad to hear of this.
My advice is to keep your chin up and you will beat this.
I lost both of my parents when I was a teenager and it was hard.
A good start is to keep yourself busy and/or exercise to keep your mind off of your troubles.
Take any and all help offered to you, and you WILL turn this around.
Please don't blame yourself for what has happened, and if you are, change your mindset and realize that it's not your fault. Sometimes things just happen and it sucks, but that's life.
I'm sure that your wife wouldn't have wanted you to live with fear, guilt, and unhappiness.
Take it one day at a time my friend, one day at a time..........