Respectfully request advice as newly divorced dad

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Any time I want to prove I send someone money I give them a check
Old-school, sure.
But it leaves an indisputable paper trail, and even has room for memos on it ( like "lisas 2020 book money")
 
Get a LADY lawyer! And change the locks on your doors.

Don't give her money through PayPal "friends and family"!
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I've was there years ago with my three children. We can all give you advice on FABO, but it really doesn't mean anything until you speak to an attorney with a good reputation. Laws vary from state to state. Only a local attorney will know the nuances of your area.
Divorce sucks .....for children and most often for the father. I suppose that some couples get through the experience amicably, but I believe that is not the norm. I hope that Texas courts are fairer than Lancaster, PA courts are towards the father. Remember that child custody situations can change over time. I started with shared custody but eventually ended up with sole custody of my children. it's best to dig in and prepare for a possible long-term battle.
 
Look up Paul Elam and Terrence Popp on Bitchute or youtube.
Look up Men Going Their Own Way. MGTOW. There is a large community of men who have gone through this bullshit.
Don't listen to a single word from any woman on this subject, you cannot trust them. In my experience, and on this subject they are a dishonorable bunch of grasping and lying harpies. They use children as a weapon to get what they want. This **** is enabled by the state and welfare.
The refrain, "But think of the children," is pure bullshit. Had they "Thought of the children," they would NOT abandon their husband because they were "dissatisfied and bored."

I don't tell my son much of what happened. Only that, "Mommy didn't love us anymore." He understands that after seeing her behavior at his maternal grandmother's funeral service.

Actions speak louder than words.

 
New checking account titled “child support” or “spouse support” which ever your attorney suggests. The title needs to be on the checks that you will use to pay her.
Sorry to hear. I feel for you. Take an accurate assessment of your health and make changes if necessary because stress is a silent killer of men.
 
As a Divorced Dad(long, long ago) all I can say is retain a good Attorney, he will be worth every penny in the end.Fight for your Daughter but F- the soon to be x-wife.
 
If she's living with mommy and daddy now, maybe you could send some food money to him. It's his dinner table they're eating at now.
Don't send her a dime, you may be feeding her boyfriend.


Yea the joke was my ex's boyfriend rolling over in bed and saying"Ain't it about time for ole George send another check? "
 
Sorry to read this.

As has been suggested, "lawyer up", but I also give this advice... Strike first with the divorce. Don't wait for her to do it. Don't say a word to her about it, just do it and do it tomorrow. Been there, done that, and it worked.

So many guys wait for it to happen rather than take the offense. In the legal world, the first one to file often has the upper hand.
 
I think your first priority should be the restoration of your marriage. In the long run, just about any amount of money is meaningless. With easy credit, problems come easier than ever. Many people run away rather than face their problems. Maybe that is what your wife did. Perspective can be very helpful. Did you have a good marriage otherwise? Do you and her want it to continue? Is this really serious enough to end your marriage and face all the consequences that go with that?

I would beware of any actions that escalate the problem. Once The escalating starts, it is almost irreversible. Things said can be hard to retract. Try and work it out. If you involve a lawyer, he or she will immediately start telling you about your rights. The same will happen with your wife. Pretty soon you are both mad as hell and lawyers wind up with all the money, which is really bizarre, since that is what you are fighting about. In the end you lose twice, once the first time and second when you give the rest of it to the lawyers.

Getting divorced over money is completely counter productive. In the end, money is worthless, friends and family matter. If you are a car guy, I know you are a problem solver. Use those skills to assess the situation and move toward a solution.

If you have a church, seek counseling there. If not, ask a friend to recommend one. If you are not a praying man, now would be an excellent time to start. I will pray that you have the wisdom to choose the right path.
 
Dang I hate to hear this buddy! I wish you the best. I agree with everyone here lawyer up man.
 
The wife left, took my daughter, hid/dumped thousands of debt.

After getting upset initially, my highest priority is getting my daughter back into my life.

Right now they are both 1053 miles away at her parents.

I asked the wife to move back to the city (San Antonio) and she said she would eventually-she even promised to pay back debt.

With the deception of hiding debt, I don’t trust her, but have been completely kind/amicable in order to facilitate any kind of compromise.

We haven’t mentioned a lawyer, just bills, child’s schooling, visitation (to include that she offered to buy me plane tickets)

So my thought process is to supplement her income some, but have her sign over debt that she has accrued.

From what I understand, men have given ex wives credit cards to which the court did NOT recognize as child support, and am thinking that a direct payment of her vehicle, her student loan, etc. will not count as support if it comes to that.

So I guess I need to document money given to her, play nice, and work towards a plan of them moving back (if that is really a thing)

I am at a loss as to what things I should do so I am asking for help. Please and thank you!
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Second and most important, the very first thing you need to do is see an attorney ASAP! Listen to what the lawyer tells you to do and then do that.
From this point on, your wife's name is Plaintiff.
I know it's incredibly hard to think that a person you would take a bullet for has done this. I get it, trust me I understand! It sucks!
She has already proven she's looking out for her interests and yours don't count.
When the dust finally settled with my divorce, I learned that I had four credit cards that were in default for non payment, she had taken out a loan for her mother, bounced checks and used an expired P.O.A. to lease a apartment, that she quit paying rent on.
The total financial hit was $28K and that was in 1995. That didn't include the attorney, and other fall out that didn't make it to court.
I, not unlike you, felt I should be taking care of my son. Every nickle I gave her for my son was never counted and I gave it to her again.
The system sucks, you were born with a ***** and therefore in the wrong.
Third, when you do get to see your child, don't bad mouth your "ex". Kids are sponges and soak that stuff up. If she's bad mouthing you, it'll come out in the wash. Don't use a kid as a tool.
I could tell you more, but the most important advice has been given. Go see an attorney first thing in the AM.
If you're still in the military, your C.O.C will understand, if not, your boss will.
Good luck.
 
The wife left, took my daughter, hid/dumped thousands of debt.

After getting upset initially, my highest priority is getting my daughter back into my life.

Right now they are both 1053 miles away at her parents.

I asked the wife to move back to the city (San Antonio) and she said she would eventually-she even promised to pay back debt.

With the deception of hiding debt, I don’t trust her, but have been completely kind/amicable in order to facilitate any kind of compromise.

We haven’t mentioned a lawyer, just bills, child’s schooling, visitation (to include that she offered to buy me plane tickets)

So my thought process is to supplement her income some, but have her sign over debt that she has accrued.

From what I understand, men have given ex wives credit cards to which the court did NOT recognize as child support, and am thinking that a direct payment of her vehicle, her student loan, etc. will not count as support if it comes to that.

So I guess I need to document money given to her, play nice, and work towards a plan of them moving back (if that is really a thing)

I am at a loss as to what things I should do so I am asking for help. Please and thank you!


Don't forgive her debt... Make her be responsible for it...

My ex charged up some credit cards without my knowledge when we were married... I didn't find out until the bills came in the mail... The first time she did it, I paid them off and told her that if she did it again, I would not pay... She did it again and I kept my promise not to pay it... That eventually came out of her settlement in the divorce.... Document the debt that she's responsible for and let the attorneys figure it out...

Get a good lawyer...

Don't bring the kids into the divorce... Do not say anything negative about the wife to them, keep it to yourself... Trash talking the wife in front of the kids will just make them hate you, not the mother... The kids will respect you more when it's all over if you keep them out of the middle...

Don't give the wife any settlement money directly, or it won't 'count'... After the court sets up the payment plan with the state, then pay all the money to the state and let them pay the ex... That way you get credit for your payments...

Talk to the kids to let them know that they are not the cause of the divorce, it's because you and the wife cannot get along any more... You don't want them thinking they are responsible for the divorce... Like I stated earlier, don't trash talk the wife to the kids...
 
The wife left, took my daughter, hid/dumped thousands of debt.

After getting upset initially, my highest priority is getting my daughter back into my life.

Right now they are both 1053 miles away at her parents.

I asked the wife to move back to the city (San Antonio) and she said she would eventually-she even promised to pay back debt.

With the deception of hiding debt, I don’t trust her, but have been completely kind/amicable in order to facilitate any kind of compromise.

We haven’t mentioned a lawyer, just bills, child’s schooling, visitation (to include that she offered to buy me plane tickets)

So my thought process is to supplement her income some, but have her sign over debt that she has accrued.

From what I understand, men have given ex wives credit cards to which the court did NOT recognize as child support, and am thinking that a direct payment of her vehicle, her student loan, etc. will not count as support if it comes to that.

So I guess I need to document money given to her, play nice, and work towards a plan of them moving back (if that is really a thing)

I am at a loss as to what things I should do so I am asking for help. Please and thank you!


Next time around, just go to a bar and pick up a gorgeous woman that you can't stand... Have sex with her a few times, then give her your house...

It's gong to end that way anyway, and you will avoid the hassle of getting married and divorced... You will save all of the court and attorney fees and be that much further ahead....
 
Another former contestant here. Hopefully short and to the point.
1. Try your best to not let your emotions fuel your decisions. Anger, hurt, murder...lol

2. Don't just lawyer up... like you go for estimates for a bodyshop or house repair. Sit down with a few (if thats what you feel you need) I settled on one from word of mouth... completely fucked up my divorce. My friend RAVED about her divorce but mine was a pussy when it was my situation. So, if youre not hearing what YOU feel is right for you...WALK. In the long run, a good lawyer is well worth it.

3. Youre going to find out who your true friends are... don't shun a friend to bend an ear. Its a long and yes, financial and emotional roller coaster you'll be on. You got this. Some people fold under the pressure of it and lose sight of life and some kick into gear and meet this head on. I hope for the latter for you. Wish you strength buddy.
 
Don't forgive her debt... Make her be responsible for it...

My ex charged up some credit cards without my knowledge when we were married... I didn't find out until the bills came in the mail... The first time she did it, I paid them off and told her that if she did it again, I would not pay... She did it again and I kept my promise not to pay it... That eventually came out of her settlement in the divorce.... Document the debt that she's responsible for and let the attorneys figure it out...

Get a good lawyer...

Don't bring the kids into the divorce... Do not say anything negative about the wife to them, keep it to yourself... Trash talking the wife in front of the kids will just make them hate you, not the mother... The kids will respect you more when it's all over if you keep them out of the middle...

Don't give the wife any settlement money directly, or it won't 'count'... After the court sets up the payment plan with the state, then pay all the money to the state and let them pay the ex... That way you get credit for your payments...

Talk to the kids to let them know that they are not the cause of the divorce, it's because you and the wife cannot get along any more... You don't want them thinking they are responsible for the divorce... Like I stated earlier, don't trash talk the wife to the kids...


Spot on on the deal about the Kids. As much as I hated My ex I never said anything about her in front of them. She constantly badgered them about how much of an *** hole I was. The oldest is 5o years old now and we all have a great relationship. Sadly they had nothing to do with her for 10 years before she passed away last year.
 
Spot on on the deal about the Kids. As much as I hated My ex I never said anything about her in front of them. She constantly badgered them about how much of an *** hole I was. The oldest is 5o years old now and we all have a great relationship. Sadly they had nothing to do with her for 10 years before she passed away last year.

I didn't have kids however this is the best advice someone can give. Do make your problem their problem.... Kids are way smarter than we will ever be so let them figure things out for themselves. I am sure this is a hard thing to do......

JW
 
Another thing you may not have thought of. If you are active on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc be careful what you post. Sometimes those lawyers will use your posts including pictures and words against you. You want to look as squeaky clean as possible.
 
Sorry to read this.

As has been suggested, "lawyer up", but I also give this advice... Strike first with the divorce. Don't wait for her to do it. Don't say a word to her about it, just do it and do it tomorrow. Been there, done that, and it worked.

So many guys wait for it to happen rather than take the offense. In the legal world, the first one to file often has the upper hand.
Also to add to this; "She" has been planning this for some time, but this is all news to you, take the advise above and get that Lawyer now! Look out for You first from here on.
 
Sorry to hear what you are going through, been there done that. WASTED tons of money of effin Lawyers.
Best advice is for you to check the LAWS in your state, secondly if you are still talking and can come to an AGREEMENT you will be way ahead of the game. If you BOTH agree to it, put it in writing and present it to the JUDGE will gladly sign in and send you on your way out of his court and you are DONE.
 
Sorry to hear that you are going thru this. Having gone thru this before myself, I'll echo most everyone else's comments in here, get a lawyer. Ask your friends, interview a couple, find one that works for you, and tells you the real deal, not some happy bullshit. This is going to be a fight, and they will be doing the fighting for you so get someone that you can work with but also knows their ****. Any financial transaction you have with your ex wife needs to be via check, absolutely NO cash. Get your own account and start putting your paychecks in it. Don't take any money out of your current account but stop putting more in it. Use text or email to communicate as much as possible and screenshot your texts. Ask for your daughter as much as possible, even if you know you're not going to get her, ask for her. It establishes that she is withholding the child from you and that you are trying to maintain the relationship. Get as much custody as you can. Once you have it, it's harder to take it away. It's nearly impossible to get more once the orders are established.

Get a lawyer, take the day off if you need to, but get one ASAP. She's left and she's not coming back so at this point the fight is for your daughter, and the one that will help you the most make that happen is a good lawyer
 
I didn’t read all the replies but you are going to get so much bad info from guys in a post like this. Some never have even gone through a divorce, others that had a friend of an Uncle that got a bad deal. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone except possibly some wise guy that was out cheating on his wife then I hope he gets raped dry. Goodluck. Been there, done that.
 
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