So a customer calls me on the phone....

I sold auto parts for about 15 years. I can tell you many stories where I was supposed to "know"
"Need a foot valve"

(I'm thinking that valve at the bottom of a well pump suction pipe) "We don't stock many what size?"

"Not sure I think 3/8 might be 1/2"

I'm thinking "that's pretty small"

I go look and all we had was a Grainger 3/4"

I brought it out anyway, told him "Maybe you can bush it down?"

"WHAT is THAT?"

"That's a foot valve"

"I was looking for an AIR BRAKE VALVE"

"That's a treadle valve and they are not all the same, either. We do stock several"

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Brings in a drill motor, tosses it on the counter. "Need a chuck for that"

"I probably have one, have to remove that one to get the size" (spindle size)

So I take it to the back, not a short walk, bet the chuck off, go up past the stock shelves, pick out a couple that would fit, and carried it all back up front.

"I didn't want the HOLE THING, I just want the CHUCK"

"That's the key, the chuck is this big thing here on the front of the drill"

"Well I call it the thing you tighten it with a chuck"

"Fine but if you keep asking for a chuck, "the whole thing" is what you'll get"
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Used to have this irritating, snobby SOB ran a "custom car shop."

"Need a clutch for an early Ford."

Hell I have no idea what an "early Ford" is. Model A? 292 Y block? What? And what size?

"Give me some idea? size?"

Yeh, it's an EARLY FORD

Here comes the manager a real by Goawd *** kissin brown nose back stabbin Richard Head. "........................Hi....................Gregg..............How...........ya doin?......................."

Mush mush bla de blish de blah "whatza gots dere?"

So frickin "Gregg" proceeds to tell the manager EXACTLY WHAT HE HAS AND THAT IT's OUT IN THE TRUCK IF WE NEED TO LOOK AT IT

And of course I'm the asshole