When to give up?

Pain...it is more then physical. My end goal is, more like was, is to have a pain pump put in so I can stop taking oral Opioids. In order to be eligible for a pain pump test drive, a 3 day trial where I spend my day at the docs office with a temporary catheter implanted into my spine. 2 days I get a placebo, 1 day I get medication. I just spent (wasted?) 4 or 5 months of my life getting off of the immediate release Oxy. Plan was when I go for my July refill of the extended release crap was to have the doc lower the dosage. Go a month, if I can mange lower it again.

Well.....will spare the boring details....I had to start on the immediate release crap again last night. Hurt so bad I could not sleep. Doing all the house hold stuff causes me to bend some. Specifically the T12-L1 junction...which is where I have a pain...first noticed it after the Spinal Cord Stimulator was implanted in March or so of 2020, that appears to be muscle related. Well....I am home alone for a few days so I have to do the house hold chores...feed the dogs, the 4 cages of finches and a pair of African Greys. Birds are a mess, if the floor is not swept frequently we get ants. Hell, even making the bed and brushing my teeth causes me to bend over in the exact way that makes the pain sky rocket....anytime I have to bend over slightly I support myself with one arm.

I want the pain pump because unlike the oral meds that basically smother the pain receptors in your brain the meds are injected right into the problem areas. The dosage of the pain pump is in micro-grams not the milligrams of oral meds.

Pain clinic has told me that they would prefer to not be the doc prescribing the oral meds. My doc is talking about retirement in a year or 2. Thanks to the effing "Pain Contract" that Washington state has most doctors will not prescribe narcotics simply because of the hassle of dealing with several departments of the state.

Please spare me the chiropractor, weed, acupuncture etc. I have tried them all...

I have some mental health issues...stress is a trigger of a manic episode. Manic for me is darkness....the filter between the brain and mouth completely shuts down and some truly rotten things are said. Slipped into a manic state the other day...was not pretty. I'm concerned that my marriage may be at risk. This is the only place that I can say what it is on my mind without her reading it.....

For those that have had enough of my damn near constant whining I do apologize. I also hope that you are never put in the position I am in....these manic episodes..well...they are the reason I was removed from my employment at the USPS at the age of 42 years old. Was deemed a hazard to self and others. Just glad I had a very understanding mental health provider, by law if I make a threat against anyone he is required to notify that person, his employer etc. If Charlie had ever reported even a few of my threats I very well may have ended up in jail.