To all of FABO:
I am writing to express my dismay and concern over Mr. Hysteric’s frightful perversions. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Mr. Hysteric actually concerned about any of us, or does he just want to pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm? After reading this letter, you’ll certainly find it’s the latter. Before I continue, let me state that knowledge and wisdom are Mr. Hysteric’s enemies. He understands that by limiting education and enlightenment, he can fool more people into believing that he has an independent mind, rigorous intellect, impeccable credentials, and a record of excellence and integrity. Sadly, those with the least education are those who would benefit most from the knowledge that to say that Mr. Hysteric’s claims won’t be used for political retribution is crabby nonsense and untrue to boot. In case you don’t know, Mr. Hysteric is trying to mute the voice of anyone who dares to speak out against him. His mission? To exhibit a deep disdain for all people who are not vagarious, incoherent palookas.
I’m sure you get my point here. If you believe nothing else that I’ve written about Mr. Hysteric, you can believe this: Mr. Hysteric plans to demand that Earth submit to the dominion of scary slanderers by the end of this thread. I’d like to see him try to get away with such a plan; that should be good for a laugh. You see, most people have already observed that Mr. Hysteric’s brainless, mindless chicaneries lie at the intersection of obscurantism, neocolonialism, and academicism—the standard troika of abusive thought. That fact may not be pleasant, but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter.
I’ve received a smattering of mail from people who want to know the real story behind Mr. Hysteric’s prurient artifices, so here it is: What I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a froward wacko. It’s a fact. While self-justification may motivate mordacious, ophidian rubes, the same campaigns of malice and malignity also work well for cantankerous, acrasial hypochondriacs. Let me carry my thoughts on this subject a bit further. We must show Mr. Hysteric that we are not powerless pedestrians on the asphalt of life. We must show him that we can build a true community of spirit and purpose based on mutual respect and caring. Maybe then Mr. Hysteric will realize that he ought to tone down his destructive behavior. He’ll never be cuddly, but he can decidedly be more polite. Everything I’ve written in this letter amounts to this: Mr. Hysteric’s oppugnant criticisms are merely the newest fruits of a decades-long, relentless assault on civil discourse and intellectual independence.