I disconnected the negative battery cable from the battery and let it idle about 5 min. It stayed running the whole time.
Took the car to Auto Zone. Nobody had ever seen a battery in a trunk before. They dutifully hooked up their hand held computer load tester thingy and it said my battery had 0% charge. I said so it shouldn't start then if it's completely dead. Right? She agreed. So I started the car for her. She called the Manager. He was just as useless as his employee.