My Luck
Dark humor is like love – not everyone gets it!
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care, and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?