Free marriage advice

I bought a Toro timesaver zero turn a few years ago and my significant other of 26 years said it looked like fun and had me teach her how to run it. I went inside and got a cold beer and set up my lawn chair. I told her to mow the pasture until she got the hang of it. The ground is a little bumpy back there and she has a pretty nice pair of hats. So I watched her make a few rounds and went in and got another beer. She came up to the patio and asked me if I should take over. I'm like no you are doing an excellent job for the first time on a zero turn. She got about halfway back to the mower turned around and came back where I was watching. She took my beer and said you are an *** hole I see what you're up to. She smiled, guzzled my beer and went in the house. She has never got on the mower again...LOL
pervert!
You know, I wouldn't say it to your face but I like them hats in the wind too, just thinking about them, my wife's hats I mean. And, to think, I tell her every day; but, no matter how often I tell her, I'm still the pervert. Daym woman, I was born like this, you knew it before we got married, and you were fine with it then! What the heck?
Here's what I shouldda done;