Mike, I too am the head cook at our place we have had very similar discussions. In the end here is how we resolved it. At the start of the day I ask her how ugly her day looks and if she is going to need to work late in conjunction with what time she would like dinner served. Once we agree upon a time typically between 1630-1830hrs that is when I serve dinner. And when we still had kids at home we served one meal period. She works late I make her a plate. I like to have everything timed so it is all just right temp wise for optimal flavor. She does not meet the specified time, sucks to be her. And I don’t serve past 1900hrs. In this way we diffused the friction her erratic schedule was creating on my anal cooking methodologies.