Dealing with a negative family member…or a person who just likes to put you down

calicowilly13 said
Hi all,

Here is a thing I’ve been dealing with my whole life. I am the youngest of three brothers and my middle brother constantly craps on anything I do and has to berate me in front of anyone as much as possible. I’m a pretty laid back dude but he has always gotten to me. So, I recently got a Mopar A Body for a restoration/cruiser project. He has always considered himself the mechanic of the family, even though we have an uncle and cousin that do that for a living. We are in a group chat with my uncle and we’re talking about current things we are in to, and I posted a pic of the car I’m working on and my brother immediately talked me down and said I’m gonna learn what it takes. I’ve started projects before, just not Mopar. He called me out for this car being my first and “I’m gonna learn, tearing them down is easier than building them up” which I do agree with but didn’t like that he had to jump himself into a thread he wasn’t apart of. Me and my brother were talking about the project a few minutes before I posted the message and he didn’t say anything like that to me. Am I being a brat that I’m mad at him for talking crap? I know this is more of a working on cars thread these issues(not just car stuff) have been bugging me for years.

But all to your other brothers as well as uncles (and aunts if need be) on how you feel and ask for moral and verbal support when everyone can confront him together. I bet he acts very different after a short time in front of everyone.

The key here is for everyone to have your back and shut him up on abusive speech and wording. Ether STFU or actually help in a kind and passionate way. If you can not kindly help, the. Your really not helping even though you think in your helping.

When he gets loud, you speak softer and softer with asking him wheat do you think of that statement? It’ll will calm him down. Open his ears up to listening instead of escalating. Also be prepared to make your point with facts of how he made you feel. It’s not a right or wrong on his or your behalf but the fact of communication and teaching effectively is done calmly without insulting and with a loving spirit of teaching.

I’ve learned this on the job when I was teaching in the field and the wife learned this while working in maximum security jails where the worst of the worst are.

Also remind him that no one knows everything as well as know one knows much of anything when they start. Remind him he knew nothing at one point and still doesn’t know everything dispite his years in the field.

Learn with books on the subject and if possible, an experienced buddy willing to hangout and wrench with you as you learn from him. If your buddy is willing to teach a bit, you’ll have a winning combo.

Come here for advice with the guys that have been there and done that work before. That’s the good of this place.