True Stories From The Shop ... Men are So Funny

The Bikers

I was busy in the shop one day when a pickup truck parked out front and a couple ladies jumped out. Since women aren't a large customer base for me living here in The Bible Belt, I fully expected them to walk in and present me with religious pamphlets or something. Surprisingly, they were looking to get some parts coated for the matching Triumph motorcycles they were building.

Hers ... and hers.

Now Billy absolutely LOVES women. He'd flirt with your great-grandma if given the opportunity because that's just how he is. Apparently he saw them jump out of the truck because he was out in the shop within a few minutes of their arrival, working his usual ladymagic.

TRYING to work his usual ladymagic.

And failing miserably.

One would ask a question, he'd start to try to answer it, and they'd look at me. At 6'5 and 280 pounds, he's not easily ignored and isn't used to having it happen. But the lesbian bikers weren't interested in anything at all from him. It was hilarious! Frankly, I was glad to have him in there with me ... I may have predominantly male-related interests but I'm straight as an arrow and they kinda scared me.

After they decided to bring their bikes back when it warmed up some [probably any day now LOL] and left, the situation got even funnier. I had to eventually boot his butt outta the shop and send him back into the house because every time I'd look at him while I was trying to do my work, he'd open his mouth, stick his tongue out and wiggle it at me seductively. "Lezzzzz be friends baby!" OMG!!!!! Just go away and leave me alone.


The Boss

I'm busy in the shop when I hear motor noises in front. Put down the gun and crane my neck to look out the window where I see Billy's on the phone. Walking around the yard, steps, back porch, driveway, like he always does while chatting it up with his best friend Randy in Louisiana. They talk as long and often as teenage girls a few times a week. I also see a guy sitting in a pickup truck looking out the window towards Billy.

I walked out of the shop and went to his window asking if I could help him with something.

Looking me up and down, he said "I need to talk to him." [pointing]

"Okay." So I went back to work.

Probably at least a half hour later, I headed towards the house and there he is, still sitting there, now drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and chewing his lip. Billy is nowhere to be seen.

"Are you sure I can't help you with something?"

"Listen honeeeeey, I need to talk to the bossssss. Can you tell him please?" He was a total smart-azzed dick.

Then Billy comes out the basement door, still on the phone with Randy. We pass, I gesture towards the guy in the truck and continue on my way into the house.

I could've kissed Billy three minutes later when I returned to the shop and see them standing there.

Shocking

Before I went pro, I used to have a little cheesy Cummins Tool sale hobby-style powder coating gun. Anybody who's used one will tell you they aren't exactly the Coupe de Ville of the industry -- more like a 4-banger Pinto running on two cylinders. No electrical adjustments, minimal air pressure controls, overall crappy results unless you really know what you're doing.

Thinking about Billy's first attempt using it still cracks me up.

All proud of his blasting efforts on two little alternator brackets for his car, he chose and loaded up his powder, hooked the tremendous ground clip to one of the brackets, turned on the machine, pointed it about an inch from one bracket and pulled the trigger.

Fifty thousand kilovolts lit him up like a Christmas tree.

The gun -- traveling at maybe Mach V -- was the first thing that passed my head. The machine was hurled thirty feet across the shop, smashing into the wall into about six zillion pieces.

I can still see that poor little bracket flying through the air helplessly attached to the ground clip.

Needless to say, I have much better equipment now. :-D


I'm sure there's more. Add your own to the thread ... I know they're out there, and I'm sure ya'll have some funny stories about your girls too.