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Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up...

An 75-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 75-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?" The...

(Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.) Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café. When they sat down, one of them discovered that the salt shaker contained pepper & the pepper shaker was full of salt. How could...

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when she looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why...

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. (1st mistake)! Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks...

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside. Finally it was his turn to be summoned. Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors...

A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?' 'Well......you pay $10 and if...

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO...

The Kings Weatherman: Once upon a time, there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman ... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along exactly when you needed a...

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd...

Wife missing in Bar Harbor, Maine A few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor man answered his door to find two grim-faced Harbor Master officers. "We're sorry Mr Flynn, but we have some information about your wife,". "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn...

I wasnt sure if I should had posted this in Electrical or here. Hahaha

A Mexican knocks on a man's door one Sunday. The man answers. The Mexican says,"Senor, do you have work for me? I have a wife and 3 kids!" The man said,"Well, the wife told me to paint the porch before I can watch the football game, can you paint?" Si! Senor I can paint!" The man said," Ok, get...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w67ghihb0N4

I wish I could come up with names of things like this on the fly, a work. Im going to have to try to remember a few of these. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uot93jg4HAA

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN...

Used this site to edit the video down to the best part... Sorry it doesnt pull up like you tube does. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6785633

http://stuppid.com/arrested-selling-golden-tickets-heaven/

This can be used here and many other places. Especially my work!

So my 14yr. old daughter told me this knock knock joke and a few others. I laughed for a good amount of time. Yep, stupid kid jokes still crack me up. Knock Knock Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who Which if said fast enough it sounds like I eat my poo -------------------- What...