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I'm posting this in the "Jokes, Funny Stuff, Anything Goes" forum, but it is neither a joke nor funny stuff. Believe it!

I saw the following on a local neighborhood chat site... "For those of you who are placing Halloween lights/decorations in your yard, can you please avoid using anything that has red or blue flashing lights together?Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and have a panic...

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied...

Saw this online today... A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked...

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!", shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they...

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it!

I just saw this on the internet... * The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you * Dogs don't care if you call them by another dogs name * Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor * A dogs parents never visit * Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get...

So, What Do You Want for Your Birthday? A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be eight again", she replied, still looking in the...

(315) Guy runs his TESLA with gasoline ⛽ - YouTube O M G

Candy Canes special for your uppity friends discriminating taste buds... * bacon flavor * clam flavor * ham flavor * kale flavor * ketchup flavor * mac & cheese flavor * pho flavor * pickle flavor * pizza flavor * shiitake mushroom flavor * bah, humbug (unflavored) Candy Canes

How Not to Vacuum the Leaves From the Patio You gotta remember to zip the bag SHUT!

Statistics you don't need to know!!! ENJOY! If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an...

My wife decided she was going to bake me a carrot cake (my favorite) for Father's Day. She's got a great recipe for a scratch made cake, but since my kids are coming over and we're going to be preparing dinner too I told her I didn't want her to go to so much work. So while at the store we...

Saw this on msn.com this morning... Uranus released an enormous bubble into space

The first time I saw a Smart Car I told my wife, "I'm not buying any car I have to wear!" Well, I'm still not going to buy one. But evidently Shaq can squeeze into one...but his knees are almost up to the top of the steering wheel. When they first came out, my son saw one here in SoCal that...

laffgaff.com › confucius-say-jokes

The final settlement of the Wile e Coyote vs Acme Mfg. Co. subject Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff -v.- Acme Company, Defendant Opening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does herein bring suit for...

Friend of mine emailed this list to me...thought y'all would get a kick out it LT - Low Torque LS - Little Slow RS - Really Slow SS - Super Slow

(stolen from 'mmissile' on FBBO) - Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne. He addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replied, "Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it...

This morning, the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the United States continued meddling in Syria, Iran, Pakistan and other potential hot spots in the Middle East, they intend to cut off America's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers. If this action does not yield sufficient...

For years the question has been asked, "Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Finally we have definitive proof as well as evidence of when the egg hatched - in a twisted geographical twist - if we apply the question to the following USA towns: * Egg Harbor, New Jersey * Hatch, Utah *...

Really?

Yeah, I know it's a Ford but I couldn't find a pic with a Ram...

70 years after Abbott & Costello copyrighted their classic routine, Hu finally got to first base.

Walked outside today and saw this in my neighbor's driveway... I don't know if one of his kids is moving back home or out of state, but I bet nobody followed close behind when this was on the road late last night.

A friend of mine sent the following to me today by email: I was a little confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies: Internal Revenue 'Service' US Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer...

A friend of mine sent this to me by email this morning: I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years, but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking! A...

Saw this in the paper today