1. My friend named his daughter "pregnant" so when a guy meets her the conversation would go as follows.
Guy: hi, I'm Paul
Her: Hi, I'm Pregnant
*Case Closed*
2. I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
3. I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
4. Everyone has their own path to follow, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store.
5. Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards."
I said: "AND?"
6. My pharmacist accidentally gave me Viagra instead of sleeping pills, and now I’ve been up all night.
7. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject..
Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
8. Sign in a store that reads " We treat you like family"
Yup, NOT going to shop there.
9. I went to buy 6 cans of sprite.....But I accidentally picked 7up.
10. A recent article in the local paper reported that a man, Dave Harper, has sued the local hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesperson replied:
"Mrs. Harper was admitted for cataract surgery, All we did was correct her eyesight."
Guy: hi, I'm Paul
Her: Hi, I'm Pregnant
*Case Closed*
2. I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
3. I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
4. Everyone has their own path to follow, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store.
5. Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards."
I said: "AND?"
6. My pharmacist accidentally gave me Viagra instead of sleeping pills, and now I’ve been up all night.
7. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject..
Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
8. Sign in a store that reads " We treat you like family"
Yup, NOT going to shop there.
9. I went to buy 6 cans of sprite.....But I accidentally picked 7up.
10. A recent article in the local paper reported that a man, Dave Harper, has sued the local hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesperson replied:
"Mrs. Harper was admitted for cataract surgery, All we did was correct her eyesight."
