Classic insults

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65 Cuda 340

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These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr

2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill

3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response

11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop

12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating

16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than
illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx

23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed
 
One I hadn't heard until moving to TX... Seems to be all over the south

Bless your heart....
 
More:

If brains were thousand dollar bills

I'd tell you what we'd get

You wouldn't have enough

To buy a cup of coffee yet



Well, that ain't the way I heared it

But here's a thought for you

Yours might as well be coffee grounds

For all the thinking they'll do



Well I guess I told you off

That ought to hold you for a spell

Furthermore if you don't like it

You can pack tonight, get out of sight

And go jump in the well!



Sometimes you make me so darn mad

That here's what I could do

I'd pick you up and shake you up

And bite you half in two



Well that ain't the way I heared it

And sister if you do

You'll learn right quick that you done

Bit off more than you can chew



Well I guess I told you off

That ought to hold you for a spell

Furthermore if you don't like it

You can pack tonight, get out of sight

And go jump in the well!



If common sense was ice cubes

You can take it straight from me

You wouldn't even have enough

To cool a glass of tea



Well that ain't the way I heared it

You're just a wasting breath

Huh, if them ice cubes was ignorance

You'd done be froze to death



Well I guess I told you off

That ought to hold you for a spell

Furthermore if you don't like it

You can pack tonight, get out of sight

And go jump in the well!



Mother Maybelle and the Carter sisters - Well I Guess I Told You Off
 
Well Officer, I'd ask to speak to your supervisor but what's he gonna do? He already has you out here doing this. Glass half full I guess?
 
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