How do these people survive?

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shovhd

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ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozennuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key andmanually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'


Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
 
those were great!

maybe if someone has any they can add to your list
 
shovhd said:
Recently, when I went to McDonald's
Click to expand...

Okeh, since you mention McDeath, here's an oldie but (very) goody I first encountered back in the Usenet days:

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I was getting a bit hungry last week, so since I had to drop off some videos at the local Blockbuster ("Starship Troopers" and "Boogie Nights," if you must know), I'd go and get some lunch at McDonald's. It somewhat qualifies as a "food", at least until you get to dinner when you can make up for it with some real nutrients.

As I approached, it seemed odd that there was more than the usual number of morons going in there as well, along with a LOT of discarded Happy Meal containers in the parking lot. I worried that it may be "brat night", but noticed that the telltale sign of sprogs working up a good lawsuit were absent from the playground out front, so I pressed on.

Anyways, as I was placing my order, this sweaty, fatassed she-freak tries to shove herself in front of me, screaming at the top of her lungs if they still had any of those pelican "Teeny Beany Babies" they were plopping into Happy Meals. It was bad enough that the line was extra long and extra slow because the McBots in the burger mines were working franticly to fill all those HM orders for the rest of the Beany-crazed herd.

I came close to wanting to grab this hippo and scream "GET OUT OF MY
FACE, YOU BEANY-BRAINED MORON!! *I* *AM* *HUNGRYYYYYY*!!!!" at the top of my lungs, but Satan gave me a BETTER idea. Something with even MORE devastating potential.

I looked towards the harried, humanoid shaped pimple-farm behind the
counter and asked how many of these Bobdammed pelicans they had left.

"Uh, about three," he said.

"Okay, I'd like to add THREE Happy Meals to my order, and make sure they have those pelicans in there, OK?"

"Uh, Okay...sure!" he replied, catching onto why I would order that many. It seemed to make him feel like he'd bring them to me on a McSilver tray if they had one.

I gave Mrs. Jabba a bigaѕѕed smirk (ever see that part where the Grinch grins from ear to ear?). She seemed so agast at the horror of her NOT getting her precious fscking Teeny Beanies that I actually had to make sure that when my order came up, she didn't try to make a grab for one of the Happy Meals and run for the door (I'm sure she wouldn't move very fast, but trying to stop THAT much mass might prove hazardous).

Instead, she screamed a big ѕhitfit, demanded to speak with the manager to make me GIVE HER those pelican Beanies (the head McManager just simply told her that it was "first come, first serve", and it was corporate policy). Realizing that she was as much of a loser as she was fat, she claimed that McDonald's and I were in on a conspiracy and swore that she was going to sue me and the McDonald's Corporation for every thin dime we both have and that we were NOT going to get away with this, yatta-yatta-yatta, oink oink oink, moooooooo.

Yeah, right.

So there I sat, munching away on my McFood (there was enough on the tray to make even the cow woman explode), with my little droopy-*** pelican toys sitting in full view so that as the Beany-morons left empty-handed, they'd see my treasure before them and they would know despair ("IIIIIIIIIIII-got, your-Beeeeeeeeee-nies! You-can-not, haaaaave-none! You-are-all-reeeeee-tards!"). A few of them actually came up to my table as I was eating and offered real money for them, but my evil was in full bloom that hour, and I had other plans for these little effigies of media-hype and human stupidity.

Before I departed (I was getting so full that I just ate the "meat" patty in each HM and left the buns and fries untouched), I sliced off the pelican heads and left each one perched on top of the straws of the undrunk small drinks as a warning to those who try to fsck around with MY personal space ever again (and used the ketchup packets to have simulated congealed blood running down the straws and neck stumps of the bodies, which I had placed in the uneaten buns). And to finish this masterpiece, I took out a marker to make a little billboard out of one of the HM boxes turned inside-out to write "BEANIES SUCK!!" It looked like a diorama of Vlad Teppes' visit to McDonaldLand.

I wish I had a camera to photograph the table before I left, but I get the feeling some of the workers may have done so before they cleared it off. I'm sure it made their day after their harrowing shift in Beanybrain Hell. I've got to ask them if they can make me print when I go back there some day.

Sure, I may have wasted a lot of good food and passed up the chance to
make some moron money, but the chance to commit evil like this has NO
price tag.
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GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!
I went into a Turkey Hill Mini Market one time.
This was, at the time, Turkey Hill were putting
applications on their brown paper bags.
I purchased a 1/2 lb of lunch meat, a loaf of
bread, 2 cans of dog food and a gallon of milk.
The clerk then asked the stupidest question.
"Would you like a bag"?
At this point, I said to her, "No, give me a can
opener and I'll eat the f*cking dog food here".
My next question to her was, " Is there a
question on the application that says " Are
you stupid"?

Yes, there are people like that out there. And
the worse thing is they give them a driver's
license.
 
Having done Tech/End User support I can confirm the general state of stoopidity out there, I could tell you some fine ones.

Funny you should mention Wal Mart, I avoid the place typically but you should have seen how the Wallmartian cashier responded to my $2 dollar bill. Good Grief!

-LY
 
My wife works at Walmart and she hates it.
She works in the pharmacy and the idiots
she puts up with could not be believed.
The managers are the worst.

Like Ralph Kramden said "Be nice to the people
you meet on your way up the ladder. Because
you're going to meet the same people going down
the ladder."
 
Just showing my age. For the people that don't him.

He was actor Jackie Gleason and he played Ralph
Kramden on the TV series The Honeymooners.

Ralph made that comment to his sidekick Norton
who was played by Art Carney.

Bill
 
irelandmoss said:
Just showing my age. For the people that don't him.

He was actor Jackie Gleason and he played Ralph
Kramden on the TV series The Honeymooners.

Ralph made that comment to his sidekick Norton
who was played by Art Carney.

Bill
Click to expand...

I knew that, but that shows my age too.
 
A top secret that the government has kept secret since 1969.
When NASA first moon landing. The secret has come out.
They found Alice Kramden dead on the moon. (bang - zoom)
Bill
 
ok i have two...

first one i caused because i know the guys at a oriellys and i work for auto zone so we call each other and screw around(parts for an 83 corvette, glow plugs for cummins diesels,ect,ect) well the guys at oriellys knew id be at our edgewood store for a couple of days and called up there and got ahold of a girl that just started and had asked for a water pump for a 68 VW karman ghia... well after about 10 min of her going through our electronic catolog and checking our paper ones she asked me to help her find a water pump,

"okay what kind of car"

"it a 68 volkswagen.....um....hold on"
she get back on the phone and turns to me and says "its a karman ghia"

so i had to have some fun too "oh ya dont worry about it on those old VW they are built into the radiator, your just going to have to price them out a radiator"

this girl looked for about 5 min until the catalog said it was and air cooled car and was not equiped with a radiator...she was pissed lol


the second one was while i was at the gym.

some people just dont get it,

i see a guy who is big i mean BIG like 300lbs and 5'7"ish walking on the tredmill at a turtles pace like i cant walk as slow as he was at all he was maybe at 1-2 mph while that doesnt bug me that much just seems like a waste of time, the part that blew me away is he is eating this big greasy piece of pizza while doing this......:angry7:
 
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