Insults with class....

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When insults had class


These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill


"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no timereading it." Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man Iknow." Abraham Lincoln


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to WinstonChurchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second. if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others"- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford


"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of humanknowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - GrouchoMarx



 
Those are witty.
I want to share one I heard live in person once. I dont know If he made it up but it struck me and stuck in my memory.
I questioned my bossman about his starring at a pretty sales lady.
He sais, "Yeah she was a doll alrght, except for the week eyes."
I presented my best dumbfounded look with a "Huh ?"
He said, "Opposite of crosseyed." pointed at the wall calender and said,
"She could stand on the 'W' and see both 'S"s"
R.I.P. Charlie Burdette
 
Another exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

She: "Sir, you are drunk!"

He: "Yes madam, I am drunk. And you madam, are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning!"
 
very eloquent, john. you're right about a nice way of saying something shitty.
 
I said this one to an old girlfriend that tried to get back in my life. It took a few seconds for her to figure it out!
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."- Stephen Bishop
 
When insults had class


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."


This one was my favorite. This comment could have led to a duel in the mid 1800's.
 
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