Lets party

[memike]

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the Nebraska Sandhills as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens It and sees a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Buck, your neighbor from forty miles up the road...Having a Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might like to come. About 5:00. ""Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Buck is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'. ""Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too. ""Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too. ""That's really not a problem either" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us. :-|

 

[memike]

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club.
He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, the husband said "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball.

He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole.

He told his wife to knock the ball in.

His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.

Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."

To which she replied, "Listen, asshole, don't ***** at me. Only two of those five shots were mine!"

 

[phf]

lol, love the first one. a kind of a reminder to never isolate urslef with a big man named buck.....or bubba as the only other human soul within 100 square miles or so