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I did something similar. I was building a storage shed in the backyard, I had it all framed up and was standing on a picnic table in the middle of the shed, getting ready to put the trusses in place. My 6 year old daughter walks up, checks it out and asks "how are you going to get the table out...

"Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming." This was hilarious.

Thats funny. I fell in love with a couple of my babysitters.

"I should be limbless right now." That was funny:-D

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite...

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something...

I was in China in 2003, I saw lots of spelling errors. On a barber shop sign it said "garber shop".

Why do you insist on pushing the envelope? If you want to stir the pot, go somewhere else. "Jokes, funny stuff, anything goes"... tell a dirty joke, show some titty pics, post pics of your dog. I come here to forget all the other ****.

Dibbs on the ugly one.

On a hot summer day, a redneck walks into town, ties his dog under a tree, and goes into the bar to have a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his. The policeman said, 'Your dog...

Not enough booze to drink Rosanne fine.

Notice the cheese is also gone.

Regarding the Boston Bridge, there is a bridge like that on I-5, its the first time you cross over Shasta lake going southbound.

Hahahahah, fat river dumpling,hahah....that was great!

cont agious...... say it aloud, slowly, imagine an Irish accent.

Ireland's Best Joke of 2006 A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl...

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

So this penguin is driving his dart through Arizona, when he spots plumes of white smoke coming out from the exhaust of his car. He limps along until he gets to a service station in some small town. Tells the mechanic of the symtoms, mechanic says he will have a look. Penguin thinks he will...

A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of whiskey. The bartender shrugs then puts the drinks down on the bar. The man quickly drinks all twelve shots. The bartender looks at the man and says, "dude, I can't believe you drank those so fast." The man says, "you'd drink fast too if you had...

So this monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a big fat J. He looks down and sees a lizzard walking by, he says "hey lizzard, come on up here." So the lizzard climbs up the tree and sits beside the monkey. The monkey offers the lizzard the big fat J. After a while the lizzard is wasted, and...

I'm offended..................................only one pic?

Oops.

These two cannibals are sitting quietly eating a clown, one looks at his buddy and says, "does this tast funny?"

Two nuns are told by the mother superior to paint the rectory, but they're warned very strictly to not get a drop of paint on their habits. They agree and go off with paint and brushes. They talk and realize there's no way they can not get paint on their habits and decide, since this is a...

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure. A young nurse arrives to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"...

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I’m sorry, but he died last week." The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week." The next day the guy calls again...

A very successful lawyer parks his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too closely and completely rips off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a...

Hell, I'll take the ugly one.

At one point in time, I think I was married to its sister.

A guy is showering in the locker room, when he notices his friend is very well endowed. "Damn Bob, your hung" Jim exclaims! I wasnt always this impressive, I had to work for it. "What do you mean?" Jim asked. "Well everyday for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with...