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While in China an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his **** covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor...

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall...

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they...

A teacher asked her class what they need at home. Joey says "a computer" The teacher replies "That would be useful." Jenny says "A new lawnmower." The teacher again replies "That would also useful." Little Johnny pops up and says "We don't need anything." The teacher asks him to think again...

A father passing by his son's bedroom Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow...

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high...

An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let...

A lawyer boarded an aeroplane in Dublin with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in...

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked...

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt...

In a math class somewhere the teacher asks Little Johnny to solve the following math question. Teacher: If you have 5 dogs and I ask you for 2, how many dogs will you have? Little Johnny: 5 dogs. Teacher: You aren't understanding this. OK, if you have 5 dogs and I take two of them, what do...

A burglar broke into a house and was going around in the dark looking for valuables. He hears a voice out of the darkness "Jesus is watching you". He shakes his head "Huh, jeez must be losing my mind." He finds the TV and is about to pick it up when again he hears the voice "Jesus is watching...