Disowning Family Members

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toolmanmike said:
That sucks, it looks like a nice property. It sounds like my wife's side of the family when Grandma passed a couple years ago. There were 2 farms (600 acres tillable and one farmstead) THere were 4 kids in that family , one had passed (my father in law) so his 4 children (my wife and her brothers) together had one vote. It's like herding cats getting 7 people all heading in the same direction. It finally all got settled after 2 years and my wife and her 3 brothers were able to buy some of the farmland, using their inheritance as a partial down payment. To make it more complicated, my brother in law is farming the land along with my wife's fathers farm (since he has passed) My MIL is in her 80's and when she goes the mess will happen all over again when my wife and her brothers decide to keep the land and rent it out or sell and split the proceeds. It is a complex legal puzzle for sure.
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Without a doubt. You guys are in deeper than I was. It seemed simple to me as the proceeds of my mom's estate went into 3 trusts that theoretically could only be drafted from once a year at a fixed amount. The farm made that much to meet the payout and keep the land and homesite. The estate lawyer had retired before mom's passing but at a similar time so there was no one to monitor their behavior. Once it was divided into 3 separate trust accounts they had the whole lump sum of their 1/3. The real kicker to their stupidity is if they would have taken the correct payout and kept the property the land would be worth around $2,000 more an acre right now. IDIOTS
 
jeff alder said:
Without a doubt. You guys are in deeper than I was. It seemed simple to me as the proceeds of my mom's estate went into 3 trusts that theoretically could only be drafted from once a year at a fixed amount. The farm made that much to meet the payout and keep the land and homesite. The estate lawyer had retired before mom's passing but at a similar time so there was no one to monitor their behavior. Once it was divided into 3 separate trust accounts they had the whole lump sum of their 1/3. The real kicker to their stupidity is if they would have taken the correct payout and kept the property the land would be worth around $2,000 more an acre right now. IDIOTS
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Exactly. We have talked about just that. My BIL that is farming the land is 62 and won't be farming the land forever. He has already sold off the hogs (1000+ head) and is cycling out of the beef cattle to make it just grain farming and more of a 1 man operation. When he retires I hope all the land get's rented out and not sold, and there will be a steady income for the 4 of them. They don't make more land and the value keeps going up.
 
As many has stated. This story, unfortunately is not unique. It shows that a sound "Will and Testimony" can prevent alot of family discourse. But that is also easier said than done. Real estate is actually the easier part of that process. Investments and personal items can be tricky. Just look at our own (for most of us.) classic car's and related components as an example?

I shun to think of that mess if and when I pass. My kids get along well. And I like to think they are of sound judgement. But?
 
ProjectBazza said:
I'm sitting here reading this and just shaking my head in agreement (what you're going through= been there, done that), as well as the comments. Not much to add, other than Time will heal most of this, and I have to believe that Karma will deal with the rest.

You have my sympathy.

Good luck.
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Thanks...it's over now. I have to drive by there quite often as it's 3 miles from my house on the main drag. I agree what can you say if you have already experienced it. It's like a lesson in futility but again thanks
 
We have a farm in South Dakota, no buildings anymore, just land. To sell it all 3 kids need to unanimously agree to sell it, all or none.
 
66fs said:
We have a farm in South Dakota, no buildings anymore, just land. To sell it all 3 kids need to unanimously agree to sell it, all or none.
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I don't know how it works where you live but here in Missouri the spouse has to sign to.
 
66fs said:
All taken care of. Trust is effective only when we are both gone. They may never see any of it.
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I don't know how a trust works but here where I live if the one's who are suppose to inherited the property are deceased it goes to the next living relative if there's no one then it goes to the state. How the wife's parents did it, they put the 3 kids on the deed for the house and when they passed then the kids automatically got it. Seems like the easiest way to do it as there is no lawyer's or anyone else involved
 
From some of the reading I've done on this post I see a lot of hatred and hostility, I can't believe that people would let money or any other material things divide their love one's. I too was ripped off by my siblings, do I hate them, did I disown them, no, why you ask? It’s because I'm not going to lower myself to their standards I'm going to be the better person. Holding a grudge only hurts the person that has it. Do people do these things out of their own inner personal greed or jealously? None of us are perfect as we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the key to true happiness not material things.
 
Dan the man said:
We believe in having things set up as pod ( pay on death) or tod ( transfer on death).
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That works too, but my situation is more complicated. And I know what I want to happen. I have set it up to get what I want for them. Once we are gone, they will have to make decisions, but one or two of them can't ruin it for the rest.
 
If their share was 1/3 of $235,000 or approximately $77 k and that's what they got they are idiots. I'd bet the money is already gone. A fool and his money are easily parted. Sorry to hear but not surprised.
 
Dan the man said:
From some of the reading I've done on this post I see a lot of hatred and hostility, I can't believe that people would let money or any other material things divide their love one's. I too was ripped off by my siblings, do I hate them, did I disown them, no, why you ask? It’s because I'm not going to lower myself to their standards I'm going to be the better person. Holding a grudge only hurts the person that has it. Do people do these things out of their own inner personal greed or jealously? None of us are perfect as we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the key to true happiness not material things.
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Easy, they're no longer "loved ones" when they betray their own blood.

Betrayers go to the 9th circle of hell
 
Nobody asked you "why" so stfu. Nobody has to justify their feelings to you. I HATE my fn sister and once she's dead I'll have a grave to piss on. And yes my Mom knows I hate her.
Dan the man said:
From some of the reading I've done on this post I see a lot of hatred and hostility, I can't believe that people would let money or any other material things divide their love one's. I too was ripped off by my siblings, do I hate them, did I disown them, no, why you ask? It’s because I'm not going to lower myself to their standards I'm going to be the better person. Holding a grudge only hurts the person that has it. Do people do these things out of their own inner personal greed or jealously? None of us are perfect as we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the key to true happiness not material things.
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Wow oh wow. I drive past that place daily. At least once, sometimes twice depending on which way I go. Sad to hear.
I have heard the team "I disowned (someone)" many times, I thought that was just a way of say I don't talk to them no more, want nothing to do with them, didn't know there was actually any official laws or legal process along those lines...
The closest thing I know of is "writing them out of any will or trust" but unfortunately you're still related by blood ....
 
4spdragtop said:
Nobody asked you "why" so stfu. Nobody has to justify their feelings to you. I HATE my fn sister and once she's dead I'll have a grave to piss on. And yes my Mom knows I hate her.
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I think every family has at least one person who should just get a bathroom installed over their grave to make it easier for everyone
 

4spdragtop said:
Nobody asked you "why" so stfu. Nobody has to justify their feelings to you. I HATE my fn sister and once she's dead I'll have a grave to piss on. And yes my Mom knows I hate her.
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I never said that anyone had to justify their feelings to me. You must be miserable.
 
Dan the man said:
From some of the reading I've done on this post I see a lot of hatred and hostility, I can't believe that people would let money or any other material things divide their love one's. I too was ripped off by my siblings, do I hate them, did I disown them, no, why you ask? It’s because I'm not going to lower myself to their standards I'm going to be the better person. Holding a grudge only hurts the person that has it. Do people do these things out of their own inner personal greed or jealously? None of us are perfect as we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the key to true happiness not material things.
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Where there's a will there's relatives.Theres family, then there's family.
 
64 AAR Valiant said:
Where there's a will there's relatives.Theres family, then there's family.
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I don't know all of the details as I didn't read the entire thread. But if it was left to him and his sisters why didn't he buy them out? I don't think that they could've forced him to sell but I don't know this as a fact
 
Dan the man said:
I never said that anyone had to justify their feelings to me. You must be miserable.
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Every situation is different and every person will have a different perspective on what happened.
My sister moved away 40 years ago and she has had limited contact with the rest of the family since then. I tried writing to her, and sent gifts when her children were born, but she remained aloof. Her oldest daughter is now about 37 or so, and coincidentally is going to be here for the weekend, primarily to visit my mother who is 91. We hardly know her or my sister's other 2 daughters, largely because my sister hates my mother, something that I only recently learned about from one of my cousins.
As for my asshole brother, he decided about 5 years ago that he no longer considers me to be a part of the family, his choice, and I will not bother trying to change his mind about it. He is very close minded, and believes that he is right about everything, period. Fine with me.
 
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