How to handle someone with Dementia

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Mark Wainwright

Mark Wainwright

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This is how i was instructed to deal with my mom and dad. I learned early on not to argue with them about what they believe to be true. I had to have my mom and dad in separate nursing homes. My dad died in 2010. My sister 2011, my cousin who my mom was guardian over till dementia made it impossible in 2004 which then fell on me died in 2012 at 60 years old in diapers her whole life. All of these events my mom knew nothing of. Her doctors told me you never know what tragic event they would hold on to and that it was best not to tell her. She finally died in 2014 with never taking any meds aside from dementia medicines which didn’t work well. I can tell you from living thru this, there is not a worse way to die. My dad forgot how to swallow and had a feeding tube his last 2 years. Mom sat in a wheel chair fir the last 4 years of her life only because she forgot or refused to walk anymore. My dads mom suffered the same fate. Sometime when I was 17-18 my mom and dad both told me “ we never want to put you and your sister thru what we went thru with your grandmother”. But it happened. I could tell you the hell i went thru but enough to say is it is the worst most tragic event you will ever deal with. I don't envy anyone dealing with this.
 
I get ribbed by my Lady that when she gets dementia I can tell her the same story she's already heard a thousand times , and it'll be like hearing it for the first time!!!
 
I use to tell my mom at Easter. “ Mom, it’s your favorite time of year, you can hide your own Easter eggs” she had no idea what i meant, she would say. “oh that’s wonderful son”
 
SGBARRACUDA said:
This is how i was instructed to deal with my mom and dad. I learned early on not to argue with them about what they believe to be true. I had to have my mom and dad in separate nursing homes. My dad died in 2010. My sister 2011, my cousin who my mom was guardian over till dementia made it impossible in 2004 which then fell on me died in 2012 at 60 years old in diapers her whole life. All of these events my mom knew nothing of. Her doctors told me you never know what tragic event they would hold on to and that it was best not to tell her. She finally died in 2014 with never taking any meds aside from dementia medicines which didn’t work well. I can tell you from living thru this, there is not a worse way to die. My dad forgot how to swallow and had a feeding tube his last 2 years. Mom sat in a wheel chair fir the last 4 years of her life only because she forgot or refused to walk anymore. My dads mom suffered the same fate. Sometime when I was 17-18 my mom and dad both told me “ we never want to put you and your sister thru what we went thru with your grandmother”. But it happened. I could tell you the hell i went thru but enough to say is it is the worst most tragic event you will ever deal with. I don't envy anyone dealing with this.
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I think your story would probably go for anyone dealing with this cruel disease. The only one that doesn't suffer is the patient themselves as they are in their own world.
Maybe this is the result or allowing these big companies from putting chemicals in our food to increase the shelf life and also polluting the air we breath all in the name of huge profits. But to be fair, dementia and Alzheimers isn't new, they've been around for many years.
 
Mark Wainwright said:
I think your story would probably go for anyone dealing with this cruel disease. The only one that doesn't suffer is the patient themselves as they are in their own world.
Maybe this is the result or allowing these big companies from putting chemicals in our food to increase the shelf life and also polluting the air we breath all in the name of huge profits. But to be fair, dementia and Alzheimers isn't new, they've been around for many years.
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ive often wondered (heads up, incoming left field) how many of the demon possessions from the passed would today be classified as schizofrenia?


just because we didnt know what to call it, doesnt mean it wasnt around back then


i think the hardest part in dealing with dementia is that the person you end up taking care of isnt really the person you know anymore
 
Alzheimer's (dementia) is a horrible disease, I watch both of my parents slowly slip from the real world. I was also told to visit with them & listen to their stories. This gave me a special insight to my father, who was living in the 40's in his mind during his service in WWII. I had read a few books written about the war & I talked with him. As he talked, he gave me his perspective of his service & army life during this time period. Some of times that I went to see him, I would see a momentary light in his eyes. This quickly faded as fast as it appeared & he was back in the 40's again.
 
diymirage said:
ive often wondered (heads up, incoming left field) how many of the demon possessions from the passed would today be classified as schizofrenia?


just because we didnt know what to call it, doesnt mean it wasnt around back then


i think the hardest part in dealing with dementia is that the person you end up taking care of isnt really the person you know anymore
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Sad but true. Schizophrenia, Bi-polar have always been around and mis-diagnosed in many cases.
 
Demonracer said:
Alzheimer's (dementia) is a horrible disease, I watch both of my parents slowly slip from the real world. I was also told to visit with them & listen to their stories. This gave me a special insight to my father, who was living in the 40's in his mind during his service in WWII. I had read a few books written about the war & I talked with him. As he talked, he gave me his perspective of his service & army life during this time period. Some of times that I went to see him, I would see a momentary light in his eyes. This quickly faded as fast as it appeared & he was back in the 40's again.
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The main thing is that you were there for them and nobody can fault you for that. Good for you.
 
SGBARRACUDA said:
This is how i was instructed to deal with my mom and dad. I learned early on not to argue with them about what they believe to be true. I had to have my mom and dad in separate nursing homes. My dad died in 2010. My sister 2011, my cousin who my mom was guardian over till dementia made it impossible in 2004 which then fell on me died in 2012 at 60 years old in diapers her whole life. All of these events my mom knew nothing of. Her doctors told me you never know what tragic event they would hold on to and that it was best not to tell her. She finally died in 2014 with never taking any meds aside from dementia medicines which didn’t work well. I can tell you from living thru this, there is not a worse way to die. My dad forgot how to swallow and had a feeding tube his last 2 years. Mom sat in a wheel chair fir the last 4 years of her life only because she forgot or refused to walk anymore. My dads mom suffered the same fate. Sometime when I was 17-18 my mom and dad both told me “ we never want to put you and your sister thru what we went thru with your grandmother”. But it happened. I could tell you the hell i went thru but enough to say is it is the worst most tragic event you will ever deal with. I don't envy anyone dealing with this.
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My thoughts going thru it were. Horrible disease to go thru..
It effects the family more so then the individual with it.
Nothing worse then a loved one not knowing who you are. Or where they are.
Living in what you hope are a life of joyful old memories.
 
My Father and Mother in law both died with dementia.
Best you can do is keep them clean, fed and safe which is a challenge in itself.
Oh and try to keep Dad from going out the door naked except for his gun belt and .38 looking for “**ssy” in a snowstorm at 11pm.
Yea, that happened. :D
My Brother and I got a good laugh out of that one.
 
I have not experienced it personally, yet, however my wife has been through it with her dad. Some of the stories she has told me are the same as what many of you have said. I know that it's a terrible and cruel disease that is hardest for the family to get through and understand.
 
TrailBeast said:
My Father and Mother in law both died with dementia.
Best you can do is keep them clean, fed and safe which is a challenge in itself.
Oh and try to keep Dad from going out the door naked except for his gun belt and .38 looking for “**ssy” in a snowstorm at 11pm.
Yea, that happened. :D
My Brother and I got a good laugh out of that one.
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That reminds me. When my dad was starting to get bad. He would wonder outside in his underwear and start collecting all the trash cans in the neighborhood.
 
Looking back I can laugh at some of the things that happened. Took mom and dad to Cracker Barrel. My dad takes his back potato and drops it in his glass of tea. Said dad what the hell are you doing? His reply oh that doesn’t go there? All the while I look back at my mom and she is dumping sugar pacs in her tea, 17 of them!
 
Never dealt with it.... An odd story but it made sense to me was about 20 years ago a man who lived near me was diagnosed with Dementia. He still had enough of his mind in place so he put a plan together. Got all his affairs in order and hung himself.... He didn't want to be a burden and from what I remember nobody was angry for him going that way. There is no easy end to the disease..... It was weird that he did this at his house and willed the home to his Grandson who moved in. Horrible memory of someone you have to remember that way....



JW
 
SLOPAR72 said:
Never dealt with it.... An odd story but it made sense to me was about 20 years ago a man who lived near me was diagnosed with Dementia. He still had enough of his mind in place so he put a plan together. Got all his affairs in order and hung himself.... He didn't want to be a burden and from what I remember nobody was angry for him going that way. There is no easy end to the disease..... It was weird that he did this at his house and willed the home to his Grandson who moved in. Horrible memory of someone you have to remember that way....



JW
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They have shown the effects of Alzheimer's is partially hereditary. My biggest fear is suffering from its effects and not knowing when to end life. I do not want to put my family thru this hell.
 
SGBARRACUDA said:
They have shown the effects of Alzheimer's is partially hereditary. My biggest fear is suffering from its effects and not knowing when to end life. I do not want to put my family thru this hell.
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I did not know this until a conversation with a co-worker this week. His mom is in the final stages and his dad had it. So yep, it's on his radar at 58 years old. Tough deal.

Hopefully you never have to worry about it....

JW
 
:lol:
SGBARRACUDA said:
They have shown the effects of Alzheimer's is partially hereditary. My biggest fear is suffering from its effects and not knowing when to end life. I do not want to put my family thru this hell.
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we’ll let you know when the time comes Roy. :D
 
Going through this now with both my Mom and Step Dad, I just go along with them and continue on with the conversation, they are in different homes and have not seen each other in over a year.
 
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