Last one to post in this thread wins!
- Thread starter oldkid
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Yunick13
3 Time FABO NASCAR champ 2023 FABO NHRA champ
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Yunick13
3 Time FABO NASCAR champ 2023 FABO NHRA champ
Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51
were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and
hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got
lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out
of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check
on the pilot and held him overnight during the
investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his
airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base"
briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his
life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on
such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MPs surrounded
the plane -- only this time there were two people in the
plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to
me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night!"
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51
were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and
hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got
lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out
of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check
on the pilot and held him overnight during the
investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his
airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base"
briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his
life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on
such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MPs surrounded
the plane -- only this time there were two people in the
plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to
me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night!"
Yunick13
3 Time FABO NASCAR champ 2023 FABO NHRA champ
t was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"****!" said the hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center and Claude was never invited back.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"****!" said the hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center and Claude was never invited back.
Yunick13
3 Time FABO NASCAR champ 2023 FABO NHRA champ
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people
do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell
to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then
the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It
will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people
do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell
to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then
the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It
will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
chryslerfat
Well-Known Member
The ride to work is gonna suck this morning. A few inches of snow and the idiots are already crashing from what I see on the news.
Like they say "A man's garage is his castle". Have I got that right?
Not a lot of bounce to those puppies. Must be well taken care of. Maybe they're fake but who cares.
They never slow down CF until they figure it out that there is snow on the ground and this 2 ton vehicle doesn't stop on a dime anymore. Can't fix stupid. BTW good morning
It is unless Mike doesn't see it lolHey now this is an g rated site
chryslerfat
Well-Known Member
Mornin fellas the car windows are thawed out so I am off like a prom dress.
Have a good one.
Sounds like a good day to stay home.
Don't have a TV in mine but I do have a beer fridge. lol
diymirage
HP@idle > hondaHP@redline
first snowfall of the season, and people need to learn to drive all over again
i used to live in lowell, and it was 50 mile hike to work
if there is one thing ive learned, its that an AWD SUV on all seasons will get you far enough into the snow that you need a wrecker to get out
chryslerfat
Well-Known Member
Well it was not too bad this morning I only had 2 wrecks to deal with. One was a guy that thought he could do 80 and pass everyone till he spun into the median. Another was a fool that thought it would be cool to pass a semi until he became a pinball between the semi and the concrete wall. The pinball was the most fun to watch.
diymirage
HP@idle > hondaHP@redline
thats hilarious
i remember one morning driving in to work and only doing about 55 on the highway (you know what that means in michigan)
so some guy comes flying by me in a porsche and all i see is a flurry of snow, and taillights
then there is a slight curve
and all i see is taillights
taillights
taillight
headlight
taillight
headlights
taillights
headlights
Morning men frost on the pumpkins this morning, difference in the weather out here is when it gets cold it is usually dry . Cheers happy Tuesday (just makin sure you pantless retired guys know what day it is 
)
)
Now those are some funny stories .
Snow + driving + speed = Fun times for some
And yet another clear and sunny day here in Northern Cal .
Currently 55* going for 71* with winds 12 to 18 mph
My front yard with some of my garages
with Santas Minions Greeting you this morning
Snow + driving + speed = Fun times for some
And yet another clear and sunny day here in Northern Cal .
Currently 55* going for 71* with winds 12 to 18 mph
My front yard with some of my garages
with Santas Minions Greeting you this morning
chryslerfat
Well-Known Member
Hey Fred your rocking chair is covered !
leblanc
member 2883
WOW again?
Either one will make you numb these days
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