Moral Dilemma: The Drink

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MopaR&D

MopaR&D

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Hey everyone I've been having trouble getting help on this issue because I'm in a pretty unique situation... I am a 20-year-old college student and everyone knows early 20s is THE age for drinking alcohol and partying. But due to my religious beliefs (Islam) I have chosen to abstain completely from alcohol (got drunk once just to see what it feels like but vowed to never touch it again after that). Not that I consider it "OK" but I do smoke pot on occasion and have experimented with other things I feel can have benefit in certain situations; for the most part though I feel I am "getting over it" and I realize that drugs are mostly just a waste of money and brain cells. The issue is that my friends are all atheist/agnostic and have little to no religious background so as you can imagine they party pretty hard, and I have a difficult time making them understand why I believe what I believe. What makes it really tough is the fact that I have known them for over 5 years now since the beginning of high school and I love them to death; we are a very tight-knit group of friends, even others around us have commented on how close we are. So I'm not about to just walk away from them and look for others to hang out with. Luckily since I just started attending CU-Denver (which is a much bigger and more diverse school than the one I was attending before) I have started meeting other Muslims. But I still spend most of my time with my old friends and it is getting very frustrating and difficult having to be around alcohol and drunk idiots every single time we hang out. Have any of you guys on here had to deal with anything like this growing up? I know at least a few members on here choose not to drink and I would like to know how you still socialize and have fun, because I KNOW it's possible to do without alcohol or drugs.
 
I can relate in some ways..

I came from a line of alcoholics and never touched the junk.
I find that I tend to choose to hang out with similar minded people. OR if I do have to hang out with people that might drink I do things that don't involve alcohol (rock climbing, swimming, to name a few)

As for the drugs thing. Its not worth it in this day and age. And to be honest its no better than being an alcoholic anyway.

Find people locally that might have similar interests to you now. Volunteer somewhere, usually find some straight edge people there.

As for religion, pffft I know some raging alcoholics that go to church every Sunday, so I don't think religion plays that big a part in things.

Hope it helps
 
Well the reason I mentioned religion is because in Islam drinking alcohol is considered a major sin (the mother of all sins, actually) and is grouped with gambling and sex outside of marriage (which unfortunately are also BIG parts of American culture). I do know a select few Muslims who still drink anyway but they aren't really 'practicing'. It's just that I consider myself a very religious person and I have a tough time finding people who have that same sort of mindset.

One other thing my mother's family (which is Christian) has a bad history of alcoholism as well which has also helped me stay away from it.
 
The simple solution to your issue is that you need to avoid the kind of people that don't understand your commitment or your wish not to do drugs and drink.

I said "Simple" not easy.

The people you talked about that drink anyway are not "practicing" they stopped when they started drinking, so you can discount maybe doing that.

Path seems clear no matter what faith you are.

Question is, are ya strong enough to do it?







MOPEkidD-3 said:
Well the reason I mentioned religion is because in Islam drinking alcohol is considered a major sin (the mother of all sins, actually) and is grouped with gambling and sex outside of marriage (which unfortunately are also BIG parts of American culture). I do know a select few Muslims who still drink anyway but they aren't really 'practicing'. It's just that I consider myself a very religious person and I have a tough time finding people who have that same sort of mindset.

One other thing my mother's family (which is Christian) has a bad history of alcoholism as well which has also helped me stay away from it.
Click to expand...
 
Surely if you can commit to not touching booze you can do the same for drugs.

I don't buy the "helps in certain situations" rationalization, whether it be drugs, booze or tobacco.

As men, we are given all the means necessary to "get through the day", the minute we are born.
 
TylerW said:
Surely if you can commit to not touching booze you can do the same for drugs.

I don't buy the "helps in certain situations" rationalization, whether it be drugs, booze or tobacco.

As men, we are given all the means necessary to "get through the day", the minute we are born.
Click to expand...

Problem is I've realized it's a lot harder to stop once you've started than to never start in the first place, especially when those around you are still doing it. I agree though and am making an effort to pull myself away from that environment.

And I'm referring to a specific group of drugs as "helping in certain situations", namely Psychadelics... If you've had experience with them you know what I mean, if not then you probably wouldn't understand. Everything else (tobacco, alcohol, 'uppers', etc.) affects the brain on a much lower level and does nothing beneficial for your mind.

I'm really looking for suggestions on more specific things to do to get me away from the bad stuff. I have started working out and putting more time into studying, I also spend as much time as possible working on my Duster (which is an hour away in another town). Ski season in Colorado is about to start and I am looking forward to that. I just want some reassurance from those who've "been there done that" that I can look forward to the rest of my life and not worry about having to constantly feel like an 'outcast' because of my beliefs.
 
Do or dont do, no try.
Best words Yoda ever said.



MOPEkidD-3 said:
Problem is I've realized it's a lot harder to stop once you've started than to never start in the first place, especially when those around you are still doing it. I agree though and am making an effort to pull myself away from that environment.

And I'm referring to a specific group of drugs as "helping in certain situations", namely Psychadelics... If you've had experience with them you know what I mean, if not then you probably wouldn't understand. Everything else (tobacco, alcohol, 'uppers', etc.) affects the brain on a much lower level and does nothing beneficial for your mind.

I'm really looking for suggestions on more specific things to do to get me away from the bad stuff. I have started working out and putting more time into studying, I also spend as much time as possible working on my Duster (which is an hour away in another town). Ski season in Colorado is about to start and I am looking forward to that. I just want some reassurance from those who've "been there done that" that I can look forward to the rest of my life and not worry about having to constantly feel like an 'outcast' because of my beliefs.
Click to expand...
 
Do what feels right to you. One thing I am confused about though, why is alcohol immoral but other intoxicants are ok?
 
TrailBeast said:
The simple solution to your issue is that you need to avoid the kind of people that don't understand your commitment or your wish not to do drugs and drink.

I said "Simple" not easy.

The people you talked about that drink anyway are not "practicing" they stopped when they started drinking, so you can discount maybe doing that.

Path seems clear no matter what faith you are.

Question is, are ya strong enough to do it?
Click to expand...

I agree. I partied pretty hard when i was young. After I got out of the service ,started up with the same old gang down that same old street. One morning after an all nighter of booz and dope, I woke up on the floor of a freinds house. I looked around the room at the bodies passed out everywhere the room filled with smoke from what ever. It hit me like a ton of bricks. We'll probably do this next week end and the next and so on on. I asked myself if this is what i wanted in life. the answer was, this is not the way I was raised. I got up walked out and got into my Challenger (72). That morning I cut all ties with my old freinds. I started a new life and didn't look back. Easy , no. If they can't respect your feelings, then their not freinds. You owe them NOTHING!
 
Lots of good advice in here.. I'd take what these guys are saying and cut ties and start the path of sobriety..
 
goldfish65 said:
Do what feels right to you. One thing I am confused about though, why is alcohol immoral but other intoxicants are ok?
Click to expand...

I guess I came off the wrong way, in my opinion I think there are a select few drugs that might have benefits when used in the right environment but I believe using them 'just for fun' is wrong... All intoxicants in islam are considered immoral if they take you away from remembering what's important. I believe I took a risk making past choices and was probably in the wrong at times but I feel it was kind of inevitable for me to experiment. Now I've come to realize that time is reaching its end if I want to move on to bigger and better things in life.

megajoltman said:
Hope you don't get caught with Dots or your screwed.
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I agree that would totally ruin my life... I can't imagine what I would do if I had any kind of drug record. It really shocks me when kids blow off DUIs like it's no big deal, you just look like an IDIOT... Try getting a decent job, "ah it's whatever man" I guess that's the attitude to have when your parents obviously paid several grand for your fines.
 
There's an old saying that goes something like this: "a friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting in the cell next to you."

In other words a true friend is there for you, through thick and thin. Most of the time they understand you better than you do yourself. They respect your beliefs, they respect your decisions. They may not completely understand 'em, but they honor 'em.

I've had one friend like that in my life. I grew up with him. When his parents divorced he moved he stayed with his dad and moved away. Until about eight months ago I hadn't seen him in 20 years. After all this time he was finishing my sentences and I was finishing his.

Question is, how many of these friends you have now can meet that?

Growth is change. Sometimes we out grow our friends, move in different directions, take different paths. One of the reasons I don't attend high school reunions. Reminiscing with perfect strangers really ain't my thing.

Sounds to me you're growing up. If your friends don't get that, time to move on, maybe.
 
It's all a part of growing in your life, what your feeling is normal.
Some people make conscience desicions, others wait
and let fate decide for them.
Religion has caused me quite alot of grief and misery during
my life, opertunitys have presented themselves and I was
hesitent or slow to react as I fought with my mind.
I am unfettered my this now, as I am older and more
confident in my desisions.
I also left religion to those who feel the need to be
corrected by an unseen, unproven force, and not by common sense.
Alchol and drugs are a personal choice, they have been around
and used since the begining of time.
I see no problem if used in moderation, although psychotropics
will open your mind to things, thoughts and possibilities that people who have
never experienced will never understand.

I think you have a very good handle on things, proven
by your asking for advise from older more experinced people
of all backrounds.
Your gonna be alright no matter what you decide.
There is no one way to live a life, all are just doing the best they
know how.
Live life with no regrets, love your friends and family, don't judge,
take care of your health and you'll be happy and good things will come
your way.
 
Geesh Kid...you are telling my story all over again. I dealt with the same issue 38 years ago. My problem was that when I drank I got in fights. Here is what I did...I turned to my faith (Christian)and dirt bike racing! I am now 57 and believe it or not both are still the guiding factors in my life. I quit racing (to some degree) 4 years ago. And believe it or not but my profession is a Drug and alcohol Treatment Specialist in a State prison. I work with dudes who have made bad choices because of drug and alcohol abuse. It's a good job. I never in a million years thought I would be doing what I am doing. But here is the final line. I have many many friends that do not drink and a few who do. I have found that they are true friends and were there in my time of need. My advice is follow what you know is right even when no one is looking! I can attest that though not perfect, I could not imagine a better life than what I have! Mopars and motorcycles and of course my God. Happy journey Kid!
 
You're experimenting. The fact that you're now troubled by your experimentation should be a pretty good indicator to you that drinking and drugs isn't in your make up, for what ever reason.
To me, there is no "Moral Dilemma" here. It's obviously not the thing for you. Why make the solution any more difficult than the "facts" that have already presented themselves to you?
How you handle things might be more of an issue that should you handle them. It might be necessary for you to find a different group of people to associate with, IF your present group of friends can deal with your choices not to take part in drinking, smoking, and what ever else they are involved with.
If nothing else you can always claim to be the permanent "designated driver".
But keep in mind that if they ever get busted for drugs, and you're with them, you're going along for the ride, too.
 
After being in this world for over 61 years I learned that you should be the person you want to be, not the person your friends want you to be. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life not them.

If your friends can't respect your beliefs than are they actualy your friends?
 
I have never drank beer or done any kind of drugs and I am not religious.Most all of my friends while I was growing up drank and or done drugs.I never really saw the point of it and I always found other things to spend my money on.My addiction has always and will always be Mopars.When I was 15 I bought my first Mopar.It took me about three years to restore it.My Mother would always ***** because I spent most of my money on the car.After getting tired of hearing her ***** about it I finally turned to her one day and said well I guess I could spend my money on pot like all my friends do!That shut my Mother up for a long time...
So find yourself a hobby,will power,or new friends....

Jim
 
Well MOPEkid, your question is no different that most young adults have asked themselves for ages. Namely "where do I go with my life". I was in the same boat as you, actually I was much worse, in my late teens and early twenties. Let's just say that my consumption of drugs and alcohol was way over what most would call average. Hell I was dealing drugs. Then one morning, shortly after a bender, I looked at the young lady sleeping beside me and asked myself what the hell I was doing. As luck would have it I had just graduated from 2nd year trade school and decided to sever all my relationships, friends and most of my family and move up north and start all over again. Met the mother of my children up there and have been married almost 30 yrs., or so she tells me. I haven't looked back since and haven't been on a bender for 25 yrs. I still have the odd drink but they're far and few between.
You talk of faith MOPEkid, well my faith was in myself and only myself and I'm sure that your faith in a round about way preaches that you have faith in your self also. I think it's a big mistake giving credit for your accomplishment to a leader of a faith, any faith or be obsolved from your screw ups by that same faith. Give those credits to yourself and by doing so you'll find that you'll also be forced to take responsibility for yourself and your actions through your entire life. Don't be a drone be a leader.
Friends are a dive a dozen, and most importantly if your so called freinds continue to try to drag you down to their levels then they ain't your freinds. Find a girl (if that's your leanings) that has your same beliefs and future vision and never look back. What is behind is of no concern, got that off of, Can't remember.

Terry
 
Thanks everyone this is helpful. Luckily I don't think I have to completely sever myself from my friends like some of you have. If I start spending less time with them, only with 'productive' activities, I think (hope) eventually they'll get over it and move on too. I just need to do things for myself. demon seed come to think of it what you're saying about being a 'leader and not a drone' I have believed for a long time, actually my dad taught me that and is a good example of it... Although he went through a lot more than me, having come from a different culture so sometimes it's difficult to relate.
 
"FRIENDS" will respect your decisions, if someone does not respect YOUR decisions, they are not your friends
they are just someone you have known a long time
I know a LOT of people, but I have very few friends
 
MOPEkidD it is possible to change your behavior and to keep your friends. I stopped drinking at 23 in order to go back and finish college, get a job, and to get married. I kept my friends who were still drinking alcohol and doing pot. It took a while for them to accept the fact that I had stopped and had substituted soft drinks or iced tea where ever we went. Here it is 22 years later and they haven't bugged me about drinking since that time I showed them that I quit. They don't drink as much as they used to and now I have two beers a year each time we get together for the Super Bowl. Our friendships were never based upon alcohol.
 
If you choose to live a muslim lifestyle you cant expect american lifestyle to suit you. Two completely different sets of beliefs. You say youve been friends 5 years. Thats enough time for your differences to surface. Peoples paths do not always run parallel. I think you may have hit a turn.
 
Bud, they dont have to understand your belief. They do on the other hand have to respect your decision to not drink/party. If they don't, are they truly your friend?
 
68383GTS said:
I have never drank beer or done any kind of drugs and I am not religious.Most all of my friends while I was growing up drank and or done drugs.I never really saw the point of it and I always found other things to spend my money on.My addiction has always and will always be Mopars.When I was 15 I bought my first Mopar.It took me about three years to restore it.My Mother would always ***** because I spent most of my money on the car.After getting tired of hearing her ***** about it I finally turned to her one day and said well I guess I could spend my money on pot like all my friends do!That shut my Mother up for a long time...
So find yourself a hobby,will power,or new friends....

Jim
Click to expand...

I think that would shut anyones mother up! lol:cheers:
 
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