Mike, you did your part in your brother life for which I am sure he was grateful. You did you part upon his passing, I can relate to being unable to speak at the service, it affect some of us more than others. Thankfully other family members were able to say kind words on you behalf. 51 is too young
to be taken. Reading all posts shows that you have many friends on this site that all care about you and and your family and share in your family's loss. I hope you can draw on this to help you.
May God bless your family at this time and give all the strength needed to deal with your loss. Prayers and condolences. John