My Luck

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1. A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”

The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”

2. One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, "Sorry, my fault"

3. So relieved....that annoying knocking was coming from the trunk and not the motor.

4. My friend David just lost his ID. Now he's just Dav.

5. Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.

6. Sign outside restaurant. Buy one Fish and Chips for the price of two and receive a second Fish and Chips absolutely free!

7. If a clock gets hungry does it go back four seconds.

8. The older you get the more you appreciate cancelled plans, early nights, thunderstorms and alcohol on sale.

9. I love hot dogs...in fact I relish them.

10. Thieves have broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
 
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