Points to Ponder

[dustermaniac]

Just sitting here and thinking about some points to ponder:

Why is it when you go to a grocery store to get laundry detergent you go down the aisle and see all these brightly colored boxes of detergent with names like Cheer, Gain and Snuggle, when in fact life is Fear, Pain and Struggle?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do you park in a Driveway and drive on a Parkway?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop 'Windows'?

That if Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ***?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Please feel free to add any others if you want.

 

[Slantsick]

If corn oil is made from corn, and peanut oil is made from peanuts, what is baby oil made from?

 

[dustermaniac]

More,

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

How can there be self-help groups?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

How do you tell if you run out of invisible ink?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it considered a hostage situation?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn't a Portuguese person be called Portugoose?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

 

[ramcharger]

Why does the dimwit that drives 65 mph in a 75 mph zone drive 75 in a 65?

 

[avarageerod]

why does she have a pair of panties and just one bra?

 

[jd340]

If nothing sticks to Teflon, and Super Glue will bond anything,WHO'S LYING???