I was supposed to do this last night, and I didn't despite a couple tries. Third time's the charm though.
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Hi Leanna, if you would be so kind to put this up at the BOG and FABO for me sweetie.
Hi all of you guys and gals out there.
I know Leanna has been posting some stuff for me. I would like to fill in any blanks as well as attempt to express my thanks to all of you, although I know there is no way in the world that anything I could ever say or do could ever come remotely close to how I feel inside. As I have learned there are truly no words that can really fully express emotion. And maybe that's why we have them, to fill in the blanks of language.
I never in my life ever even thought of life as it is right now, sure, there had been times where I had wondered what it might be like to lose a child, but those thoughts were short lived as there is really no way one could know how it would feel, even sitting on the sidelines when you hear of someone on the news losing a child, it tears at your heart. Yet, here I am, I am that guy. I don't think I have ever felt a weight such as this. Yet, with all of this weight of what's happened with my mother, then uncle, then my daughter and later even my dog in such a short time, I would be remiss if I didn't also point out the loss of weight and the feeling of love, support, help that all of you have provided myself and everyone involved in this. What all of you have done is tremendous and humbles me to a new level.
As you all know this started out with my mother and Leanna getting a wild hair up her butt to help out, and then went totally crazy, then right on the heals of that came the accident with my Daughter, Man,,talk about kicking an *** when he is down and the BOG, and FABO responded back with a counter kick of epic levels. Nowhere in my life have I heard about such a reaction such as all of you have done. There have been what one would think of as a normal and great donation of $10, $20 and the like, yet there were also those of you, who somehow went crazy and together not only made a difference, but made it all happen.
You all should know that due to your actions, myself and my daughters mother were able to truly do what we wanted to do, and that was be with her moment by moment. So much was able to be done.
Time was measured breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat. I sat there for hours counting each beat and breath, looking at all the machines learning what each was for, what they should read and when to freak out and when to take a breath of my own, each breath was a joy, yet tempered by the worry that the one you just saw might be her last. This went on for hours and hours, days and days, the fear of sleeping was overwhelming. Just going to the bathroom puts you in a near panic at the thought of leaving your child at that moment when they may pass....and God forbid pass alone.
The list goes on as this is just the tip of it all, but what I would like to focus on in this update is the positives that have happened much in part due to your actions, so I'll hit a few here.
First off, just being able to get there for both my mother and daughter were enough to destroy my family at the attempt to do so, there was a time when Krisi got into her wreck that I clearly did not know if I could go. It sounds so odd to think of it that way, but I had plans on dealing with my mother in Arizona and that had come together pretty well, and was laid on with tickets purchased to go, then Kris happened. I was stuck in the middle needing to make a choice...I must say again, "Choice" I had come to the reason that I had to make a choice between my daughter and mother. Sadly, I ended up knowing that I had to stick with my mother, and going to Ohio was out of the question. I could do nothing for my baby, but might be able to save my mother. A choice such as this is a hard one to make, but a fact of life none the less. Until al l of this happened. The "Choice" was taken away and was given from all of you, a decision. I was able to do both, both were the right answer, and thanks to all of you, both will happen.
I can't express what it felt like to land in Ohio knowing that in a short time I would be with my baby. This child of mine is the one of mine that our hearts have always beat as one. Yes, I know we are not to say such things, but it's true.
I have not left yet to Arizona but will be doing so in several days, but you all should know that in Ohio with my girl, not only did I get to be there, but also had the ability to get things done, ensure her care, be there for her, help care for my granddaughter, support her Mom, ease pain, tension and deal with issues such as legal problems in dealing with guardianship of my Daughter and custody of our granddaughter. These are huge issues, Bigger than I thought. Like the moment where we wanted to check into getting medical help to our granddaughter should we need it as she was getting a nasty cold. They told us that yes, we can care for her as long as the mother signs these forms........uh......mom in in a coma,,,,...now what..... Enter the legal system and thanks to actions of friends and all of you, this is no longer an issue. The p apers are drawn up, and we hope very soon will be granted emergency status to get guardianship of my daughter so that we can then get custody of Bailee. But the point is here, that this is taken care of now, both the lawyer and filing fees to get this moving! This is something we could not have done without help. So picture this situation with that still looming over our heads. But it's not, its being taken care of. Bailee Rae will not have her mother this Christmas as she has known, but will still have a Christmas, and maybe be able to spend it with her mother, my baby, Kris, even if she is only there in body, I'm in hopes that somewhere in her mind she will know what's going on.
Progress has been slow, but there are signs of life in there with Kris. As I watched each sign you all should know that me being able to be there for all of them is due to your actions. Things that in a normal world one would not even think about. Like seeing that first breath she took on her own, that first time she went 5 min on her own, then the first hour and now, as of the time I write this she is breathing on her own all day and only getting oxygen assist at 4% during the night for several hours to let her rest better. Or how about the first real blink of an eye, or the first time her hand, head foot, toe leg moved. Yes, there were moments that scared the hell out of me, times where alarms would go crazy and get pushed out of the room wondering if that was it, but the key here is that I was there with her thanks to all of you. Kn owing that due to your actions, that if she passed, she not only was not alone, but that her Daddy was there with her, holding her hand, playing with her hair or kissing her on the forehead, hand, and even her cute little foot.
I don't know what the future will hold from this moment on, but one thing I do know is that all of you need to know that your actions have saved the lives of 3 families directly involved here and that her Daddy was able to be there and get done what needed to get done. I was there to watch over her, feel her, smell her, touch my baby, talk to her, play our song for her. All of these things would not have happened had you not all sprang into action as you did. Even if the lord takes her now, what you all need to fully understand that most importantly what you have given this daddy, is time, time to be with his baby girl at a time where it was needed most and the decision of having to save only one of them was turned from that, into being able to save both.
You have given me the ability to touch her, be with her, smell her, watch her, comfort her, and so many more, but most of all, you all gave this father his girl back, and, gave me the ability to say all the things I wanted to say, remind her I love her more than life it's self, be there for her. And worse case situation, you all gave me time to be with her one last time.
While she is far from out of the woods, she is getting better. We have no idea how this will end or she will end up, it's a day by day life now. I remain hopeful that she will recover enough to know life again to some degree. I look forward to hearing that she smiled for the first time, or that some way of communication has been discovered, but your actions have given me faith that even in the worst of times, miracles do happen. All of you made this season a miracle, and that these holiday season's for the rest of my life will not be one of sadness and sorrow, but on of joy as they should be.
I would also like to plead with all of you to share this whole situation with your children, family and friends. Please help them to understand that just making that seat belt click, or fully stopping at a sign, but most of all, taking that extra moment to let that car go by, the one that you think,,,,,I could make it,,,,let it go by. waiting for that moment will not change your life, but not waiting can change the world as you know it.
In this case, my girl was a passenger in the car, her boyfriend was driving the car. He had his seat belt on, but did not wish to be a pain and tell her to put hers on. Yes, she should have known better, but its a team effort here, they say friends don't let friends drive drunk, well, I might add that they also don't let a car move before everyone is buckled up. I can't say in this case that she would be fine had she had hers on, but, clearly, there is a good chance that she would be better off. And most of all, we would not even be dealing with this whole situation had he just done one simple little thing.......wait for that semi to pass...there is no rush big enough to test that fate, and clearly it's not worth it. Please,,,,for the love of God,,,Please just wait, just as God will provide, he will also provide a safe gap in traffic for you to be on your way during this holiday season and the rest of your lives.
In closing, please understand that heartfelt thank yous and love we have for all of you out there. and without busting anyone out, if your initials are D.M. a special thank you to you my friend, what you did enabled us to nail down a lawyer solid. So there,,no names thrown out.
Thank you all and God bless all of you, your families, hold your babies tight and take this moment to tell all of them you love them. Don't put it off for one min. Please, make that call, don't think about it,,,,just do it,,,Now....
Dana Price
From a personal standpoint, I've taken the last couple paragraphs to heart ever since 2005. There's something about being that close that changes your perspective on things .............
Anyway, thanks for reading this, and for being YOU. We did a good thing gang. < group hug >