I sure do get your drift!! And I'll likely be dealing with someone who was not yet born when I bought the battery originally!! (Although the battery does have a sticker on it that says it is a Firestone replacement for a JC Penney lifetime battery....)Just reminded me....
I worked for NAPA, on & off, for somewhere around 20 years, and one of my '92 trucks has a "lifetime" starter, water pump, hoses, alternator, power steering pump....get the drift here? It also has a Lifetime Warranty on the muffler, and the last time I took it in, the Manager (who used to be my Assistant Mgr) told me I was killing his margins with all of my lifetime warranties.
"Not my problem!", I jokingly (yet seriously) responded back to him.
Good luck with your battery!