I have posted my solution here, but only people who are open minded can be saved from the valvetrain hassle.
Those who have children will appreciate this analogy. You tell the child, "Don't tease the dog, or he will bite you". They don't listen, so you tell them again. How many times do you tell them before you shut up and let the dog bite them so they learn their lesson the hard way. Now, do you get mad at the dog because he bit the kid, or do you tell the kid he was warned and that was the consequence of his actions?
I'm not equating anyone to a child, but rather pointing out a mentality that allows adults to make the same kinds of decisions. If the rocker arm installer is told " You can't just bolt them on without proper setup", and they do it anyway, then blaming the manufacturers when there are problems is like blaming the dog for biting. A rocker arm is nothing more than a pivot, and the roller rocker has different geometry than a standard rocker. Since the factory never used a roller rocker, why would anyone think that the cast stands are located for proper geometry with roller rockers? And, you are correct, lash caps and "shims", don't help, and many times make things worse. Longer valves are a step in the wrong direction as well
Another point that seems to have a hard time getting through, is that centering the roller on the valve stem when the valve is on the seat is absolutely pointless. Where does the roller go when the valve is lifted, as the OP found out? What good does it do to center the roller, only to have the roller fall off the tip of the valve at full lift? How do guys run over .800" lift on a 5/16 valve stem with no lash cap? With proper geometry, that's how. Not centering the roller, or even centering the sweep pattern, but minimizing the sweep overall.
The tech articles are far more detailed than I can be in a post here, and are always available to anyone who has a sincere interest in having proper valvetrain geometry. I recommend reading them, and I am always happy to answer any questions that may still linger.