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There is one time to N O T give 100 % ...... when you are giving blood .......

Marriage is like a deck of cards… In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond….. By the end,you wish you had a club and a spade !!!!

Did you get The Shot, yet ???? I made the appointment, I was on hold forever..... I went to the vaccination site, the line was a mile long..... I was on that line for FIVE Hours.... It was excruciating..... I finally got to the front of the line.... NO Tequila, NO Jack Daniels.... I LEFT !!!!!!

I just got a new car for my wife.... I thought it was a good trade !!!!! Do you know what the good thing is about a drinking brake fluid addiction ?? You can stop anytime !!!!

7) Hang Up and Drive.... 6) Honk if you like peace and quiet.... 5) Keep honking while I reload..... 4) There's too much blood in my alcohol system..... 3) Smiling is the second best thing you can do with your lips..... 2) Friends help you move, Real friends help you move bodies.... 1) GOD...

As the title says : Can anyone pick me up, please ?? I asked my doctor , two weeks ago, what I needed to do to stay healthy this winter... He told me that I needed to walk five miles a day..... So I said " O. K. " ..... But now, I am 70 miles from home !!!!!!!

Blonds girl goes to her local dry cleaners with her favorite blue dress, which has a stain on it. She shows it to the girl behind the counter and asks her if she can take care of it... "No probwem," the girl replies, "It'll be ready Thursday.... ten dollar." The blonde girl nods, and starts...

Well, as we get later in life, I guess it is inevitable that we all find a pound or two -- and get a little flabbier around the middle.... That's why YOU are reading this now.... Sometimes we need to change our life style..... so I went to the new fitness center that just opened up near me...

1. If it is said that "Crime Doesn't Pay" -- why don't we let the government run it???? 2. Did you hear the story about the broken # 2 Yellow Pencil? (There's no point to it.) 3. My grandfather didn't believe in flying saucers until we went to the diner the other day. A great white...