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When I was a little boy we were on a farm party line. My mom taught me to take my right hand , palm up, and look at my fingers. 2 shorts, a long, and a short was our ring. If that ring came up I had to quick find her and let her know that "our" phone was ringing. And yes I'm 67 years old and...

Thanks, I needed that!! In the rat race we live in it's great to sit back and remember the days when life was so much simpler.

I'm sure that when all these "ladies" get together they will figure out how to lick their problems.

Great way to start the day!! Thanks for the laugh. (You have to laugh at us old farts.)

Subj: ECSTASY He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backwards, again and again. Back and forth, back and forth... And, in and out, in and out... And, a little to the right, a little to the left... She could feel the...

I was in the Longbranch last night, at the bar waiting for a Crown and soda, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the @#!*% . She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number." I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen." She said, "I sure do." I said...

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford . . . . . . "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets...

Hey Blue Missile VERY nice touch!!! Much better than my copy and paste. Hits kind of close to home for me as I'm planning on retiring this summer.

> > OLDER EMPLOYEE NOTICE::: > > Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the > > economy, Congress has decided to implement a program to put workers of 50 years > > of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and > > reducing unemployment...

Like the old saying, "Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.

Gun Control. It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods. When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had...

> > One day a man decided to retire... > > > He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.] > > > He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.] > > > After about...

Here's something to think about. I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 65). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'...

If this doesn't at least bring a smile to your face GO BACK TO BED!!!!!!! THE OSTRICH ! A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's...

Gunfight Rules... In a gunfight, the most important rule is ..... HAVE A GUN!!! Shootingadvice from various Concealed Carry Instructors: If you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules... If not, you should get one and learn how to use it and learn the rules: RULES...

Holding up a lottery ticket, a husband says to his wife... "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She says... "I would take half, then leave you." "Excellent," he replies... "I won $12. Here's $6,... now get the heck out."

Fat fingered the title. Sorry

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still...

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow. "Fifty dollars!" she would cry...

A Jack Daniels Fishing Story... I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait" I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his...

Guns Today I opened the front door and placed a Remington30.06right in the doorway. I put 6 shells beside it, then left it and went about my business.While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and...

We recently spent $2500 on al young Angus bull. We put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but...

This agrees exactly with My line of thought! I must be getting old!!!! WHY OLD MEN DON'T GET HIRED! Job Interview: Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?" Old Man : "Honesty." Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Old Man : "I don't...

A SHORT, BEAUTIFUL, LOVE STORY > > > > A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. > > > > > > Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were...

A hillbilly went hunting A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to...

A man walked into a crowded bar in Hot Springs, Arkansas, waving his 1911 Colt 45 hand gun around and yelled "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You're gonna need more ammo!"

Marriage Humor Wife: Darling, do I please you in bed? Husband: Yes, dear, I love that trick you do with your mouth. Wife: What trick? Husband: The one where you shut up and go to sleep ________________________________ Marriage Counselor: Do you ever look at your wife's face when you make...

Tomato Garden An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his...

The human body has 7 trillion nerves. My wife manages to get on every one of them. ———————————————————————————— I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. They're brilliant. It makes my wife look like she’s actually moving during sex. ———————————————————————————— I went to the doctor’s office the...

Subject: Coffee and Testicles - A guy goes into Canada Post to apply for a job.The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, have you ever been in military service?""Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour.""That...