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THE LONELY BRAIN CELL Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but...

An old farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the...

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the...

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her 1st grade class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said...

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate. "Hey, you, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and...

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility. Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A...

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you" She answers," My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as...

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine. One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, She saw that...

California Then and Now Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, in California? California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California...

"True" Story from Houston Medical Center. A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his hoohoo. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the...

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a...

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,** **'Hello?'** **'Hi honey.** **This is Daddy.** **Is Mommy near the phone?'** **'No, Daddy.** **She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'** **After a brief pause,** **Daddy says,** **'But honey...

The Dead Cow and Vet School . . .. First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In...

LIE DETECTOR! John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie...

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach...

the new democrat hero answering the phone at 3 am, and he looks like hes actually talking!

I WILL SOON HAVE BIRD DOG PUPS FOR SALE ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME, THE LITTER WILL PROBABLY BE ABOUT 7 - 10 PUPS WHICH I WILL SELL AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE. I ATTACHED A PICTURE OF THE MOM AND DAD SO YOU WILL HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT THE PUPS WILL LOOK LIKE. these will...

Bar Room Ballerina ------------------------- A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink? The...

Do Not Swallow Bubble Gum!!!

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors choice for best web mail award-winning letter. HERE GOES....AND IT IS A WINNER...

These men have just finished placing solid steel pillars in 2 feet of concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. The are cleaning up at the end of the day's work! How long do you think it will take them to realize where their truck is???

release a bear http://www.predatormastersforums.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=52783538&an=0&page=0#52783538

im sooo thankful my kids are normal, these are definately closed-casket candidates.

wow!

Never bring plants into the house!!!!! Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why........ A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was...

Children's comments on the Sea 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are...

http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf Try to get Everyone Across the River The rules are written in Japanese, so here they are in English: Only 2 persons on the raft at a time The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence...

REALLY BAD JOKE A cowboy saunters into a saloon and orders a shot of whiskey. As the barkeep pours, the cowboy looks around and asks, "Say, where is everybody? This place is deserted!" "Everyone in town went to the hangin'," says the bartender. The cowboy's eyes go wide with surprise...

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo. He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These...

WIN 2 TICKETS ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA. To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to: International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne...