A carburetor walks into a bar…

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Reminds me of this

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
Bear asks for a beer again
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
So he asks once more and says if I do not get a beer I will eat that woman at the end of the bar.
Bartender: We do not serve bears in this bar
Bear just tears into her then askes for a beer again
Bartender says we do not serve drug addicts in this bar either
Bear is confused he says what do you mean by that?
Bartend: THAT WAS A BARBITCHYOUATE!
 
a cat walks into a bar and says "Hi, ill have a..........milk please"
the bartender pours him a bowl and the cat starts lapping it up
when he is done, he looks at the bartender and says "can i have another.......milk please?"
the bartender takes the empty bowl, and pours the cat a new bowl of milks, which the cat then starts to lap it up again
when the cat is done with the bowl of milk, he looks at the bartender again, and says "i'll take one more bowl......of milk please"
finally, the bartender looks at the cat, as he pours him a new bowl of milk and asks "what is with the pause"?
the cat lifts up his paws, looks at them, and says "i was born with them"
 
A duck walks into a drug store and waddles up to the pharmacy counter. The pharmacist leans over the counter and asks the duck what does he want. The duck sez "Give me some Chapstick and put it on my bill."
 
A man and his wife are driving down a country road. The wife see's a field full of Jackasses, she asks "Are those your relatives?" The husband shoots back "Yea In-laws!"
 
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bar tender says, hey! you know you have a steering wheel in your pants? The pirate says Rrrrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!!!!!
 
<< handicap alert --crude jokes ahead >>>>

Om second thought, Ill keep these to my immediate company.....
 
some inmates are sitting at dinner eating with everyone else in complete silence. New guy asks under his breath "WTF, why is everyone so quiet?", "Its the rules...." then he shouts 42! everyone laughs and it dies down, then someone shouts 36! and a few more chuckles are heard. Then someone shouts 12! and the place erupts with laughter. Now the guy is clueless. "What are these numbers?" They are jokes we remember and this is the way we can tell them without being punished. So the new guy shouts 17! And nothing....11! still, not a murmer. "Why isn't anyone laughing? he whispers...old guy looks at him and says "..some guys tell jokes better than others."
 
A three legged dog hops in the bar and barks out, I am looking for the man who shot my paw.
 
Man sitting at the bar tells the bartender, "Hey, I'd like to buy that old Douchebag at the end of the bar a drink" Bartender says sir that is no way to address a lady! He walks down to the end of the bar, relays the information to the women that the man wants to buy her a drink and asks what she would like to have, to which she replies, " Vinegar and Water"
 
Skeleton walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll you have. Skeleton says a beer.... And a mop.
 
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he pulls a small piano out of one pocket, and a 10 inch tall man out of the other, and the man plays the piano. The bar tender asks, what is this. The man says he was ship wrecked on a desert island, and he found a magic lamp, and the genie granted him one wish. The bartender said, what did you wish for? The man said, I certainly didn't ask for a 10 inch pianist.
 
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they'll have.
The first one says ''I'll have a pint of blood''
The second one says ''I'll also have a pint of blood''
The third one says ''I'll have a pint of plasma''
So the bartender says to them ''Two bloods and a blood light coming right up''.........
 
A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. You have to wear a tie, the bouncer tells him.
The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck and goes back to the club.
The bouncer lets him in but warns, I'll be watching, so you better not start anything!
 
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